Falling Into Place

Those of you who know me pretty well (and even not so well), know that I'm an optimist at heart.  I like to believe that good things happen to good people.  I like to believe that everything will eventually be ok.  I like to believe those things, but it's not always true.  I've generally been a good person, and I've had a lot of crap happen to me.  I've had a lot of adversity to overcome.  I've came out, for the most part, on top.

Without trying to sound terribly mean, I've heard that my ex-wife's boyfriend has said "looks like the better man won."  I whole-heartedly agree, but it's not him.  I'm a better person than I ever was when I was married.  That's not to say that my ex-wife held me back, or was a hindrance.  Well, that's what I'm trying not to say at least.  Since the divorce, I've been forced (kicking and screaming) to take a hard look at myself.  I've said before, I didn't like what I saw, and I really didn't.  I've changed my outlook completely on life.  I've started taking better care of myself and others in my life.  I'm just better off, but I really didn't start that journey until about six months ago.

Rewind the clock back to October 2017.  I was overweight.  Things weren't going my way.  I was unhappy, and by proxy made others around me unhappy.  To those people, I apologize, and I've tried to make up for it ever since.  I wasn't as heavy as I have ever been (which was 230 lbs, btw), but I was overweight.  I was around 215 or so and 30% of my body was fat.  I've came a long way.  I now weigh in at 172 lbs and 14% body fat.  How did I do it? Diet.  Exercise.  The most important of the two? Diet, hands down.  I switched to a high protein diet and well, I go to the gym a lot.  The muscle building has helped to mask what fat I have left on my body.  The diet though was the part that slimmed me down so much.  I now have that "V" shape that athletes strive for.  I'm not where I need to be, but, hey, I'm not done.

Six Month Progress Picture

A Few Progress Pictures

Again, am I where I want to be? Physically? Emotionally? Nope.  It's good to have goals, and one goal that I have is to simply move forward.  

Until next time dear readers...

Balance

Ready for another cliche that rings true? Life is about balance.

Think for a minute.  Your emotions say a lot.  Love, hate, happy, sad.  The primary emotions are balanced.  In my life, I have been called many things. Nice, mean.  Jealous, generous.  Thoughtful, thoughtless.  Handsome, ugly.  Caring, indifferent. Loving, cold.  Strong, weak.  Smart, idiot.  Hard working, lazy.  See where I'm going with this?  Life has a balance, whether or not we realize it.

Why am I talking about this?  No particular reason, I was just trying to think of what I wanted to share, and this came to mind.  If we don't recognize the need for balance, then we risk not benefitting from all life has to offer.

I get a lot of feedback, as you know, and most are positive.  There are a lot of negative ones as well.  I have to sort through those and I look for what might actually be constructive criticism.  I admit, I've learned a lot about myself through those negative comments.  A lot of times people read what I wrote wrong.  Let me clarify, they misread how I wrote it.

I share a lot, and sometimes my tone doesn't translate well.  Let me be the first to say, I never mean anything in a malicious way.  I don't try to imply something without coming out and saying it, so if I offend you - let me know.  That is far from my intention.

Life is a continually learning experience.  To paraphrase Einstein, "the day you stop learning is the day you start dying."  There have been other quotes that say the same thing, but I like Al.  I like to think that I learn something everyday, even if it's just a little thing.  I like to think I learn more about myself everyday.  Lately, I've been more or less happy with who I am.  I am always trying to improve, and if I talk about that, please don't think it's hubris or bravado, it's just me, telling you about me.  I've throttled it down quite a bit, but considering the feedback I get on a regular basis, those updates help people more than hurt.  I've gotten many emails about how I've inspired someone to make a change.  That is awesome, and that is why I do what I do.  You guys rock.


Until next time dear reader...

The beat goes on...

Well, it appears that I get the most responses (and views) when I share personal information.  I like sharing, but sometimes that takes an emotional toll.  I literally feel tired after pouring my soul into a blog post.  Then I worry about what people will think. Then I remember, I am not defined by what others think of me, but what I think of myself.  It's a cycle.  However, in keeping with the more personal theme, I'm going to do so again, but about a different topic.

A couple of years ago I was heavy.  I was unhappy.  I had no energy.  Obviously the divorce was causing some of the unhappiness, but my health was playing a large factor in it.  I didn't know that at the time.  From that time until about 5 months ago, I had a lot of bad things happen.  Some were my fault, some were not.  I had to change something, and I didn't know what.  Everything I thought was causing me problems, I eliminated, yet I was still exactly where I was when I started.

One day, about 5 months ago, I stepped on my scale.  I was 215 pounds, and had 30% body fat.  That was nuts, a third of my body was fat.  That got me to thinking.  What am I eating?  What am I doing to burn off the fat?  The answers were crap food, and jack squat, respectively.  I started reading.  I read some more.  I read nutritionists blogs, and personal trainers notes.  I studied the relationship between muscle groups, and the right way to lose weight.  I didn't just want to lose weight though.  I wanted to gain muscle.

Over the last 5 months, I've did that.  I'm at 172 pounds, 15% body fat, and I'm down to a pant size of 33 (formerly 38-40).  I'm not done.  I've reached all of my initial goals.  I'm leaner, I'm stronger, and in the right places, I'm bigger.  Life is a process of continually updating our goals.  I've updated my goals.  I no longer have a weight goal, since my original one was 185 and I've blown that away.  I'm now focusing on trying to get my body fat to 10%.  I also have size goals for each of my muscle groups, and those will take a little longer, but I'm making progress.

Now, I have people that I'm helping with meal plans, exercise plans, and instructing on those plans.  I've been doing that for a while, but this week I launched riggsfitness.com and I've gotten more clients now.  For me, I know I can help, but I've decided to get my certification as a personal trainer and strength coach.  I've spent a lot of hours on these topics, so a little more studying for the exams is going to be completely doable.  I have a transformation challenge coming up on that site, but I'll post more about it later. #riggs

Just for the first 15 of my readers, use code a2eqm3 and get 50% off any plans.  I appreciate each and every one of you.  Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement, without them, I wouldn't be as far as I am today. You guys rock.

Until next time dear readers...

A Little Update

I had (as usual) a lot of responses to my last post.  There were some really good, personal ones that I've replied to privately, and I really want to thank everyone for taking time to send me feedback.  As always, you guys rock.

I thought I'd continue with the real talk, but also include some personal updates. I'll separate them out so you can skip a section if you don't won't to read it.

Fitness\Health
The lifestyle change has been going very well.  I do occasionally cheat, but honestly, it might actually be good, since I'll be getting some fats I normally cut out of my diet.  Good and bad fats, it's a trade-off.  So I've lost 59.5 total pounds, and 12.6% body fat.  I'm at 176.6 and 17.4%.  I'm getting within reach of my body fat goal (15%). I'm almost ten pounds below my weight goal, which isn't bad, it's actually pretty awesome.  Visual body fat is all but gone, just some on the mid section, which is always the last place is comes off.  My abs are poking through now, so, yeah. Cool.

Personal
I've decided that dating is back in.  If I'm honest, it was never truly out, I just stopped actively pursuing dates.  Any more on that, and we get a little more personal than I want to share at this time.  Just know that things are going well, and I hope they continue on his path.

Philosophy
I wanted to share what I felt to be very important things to remember and practice on a daily basis.  I might repeat things I have said in the past, but that just proves how important I feel they are.

1. Treat others how you want to be treated.
2. People aren't things, don't use them.
3. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Follow your moral compass (providing it's a positive one).
4. Some things are worth the risk, some things are not.  Be wise in deciding which it is.
5. Own up to your actions. No excuses.

That's about it for now.  Follow those and things will get better (eventually).

Merchandise?

A lot of people have been asking me if I am selling the #riggs shirts.  I wasn't, because it was essentially for me to document my body transformation, but it's been suggested that I sell them and donate the proceeds to a charity, or make a contest and put that towards the prize.  I can do both. I will start selling them soon, prices to come, and I am also going to start the #riggs transformation challenge.  I'm not going to do weight loss, that's not fair, because as you gain muscle, you gain weight, so it will be based on body fat percentage.  The charity is also something that will be announced later, more than likely I will let you guys vote.

Until next time dear readers...

I'm Still Learning

So, this week hasn't went very well for me.  Details in this case don't matter.  There is one thing I've known, but haven't learned.  You see there is a difference there.  I'm going to make this week's entry brief.

You can't make something happen if it's not going to happen. No matter how hard you try, there is a point where you have to say, no, I don't need to do this.  Sometimes you have to let something go, so that you can move on.  It's a difficult process, but in the end, it's for the best.

I've been told that if something is going to happen, it will happen.  While, I agree to a point, I also think this is a passive approach to ones destiny.  I believe that things happen for a reason, and we have to see that, and act on it.

I don't know a lot.  I project a confident image, sometimes too confident, but at my core, that's not what I'm about.  I know who I am, and when I start questioning that, well, then I know I've made a wrong turn.

I'm still learning, about myself, about my friends, about everything.

Until next time, dear reader...

Keeping It In

First off, I want to tell everyone how thankful I am for you encouragement.  The last post brought out a lot of great feedback, both good and bad.  Thanks so much for taking the time from your day to share with me, I appreciate every single one of you, but not just those who wrote me, I mean those of you reading right now, too.  You guys are amazing and I'm a better person because each and every one of you.

Well, this is draft five of this post.  I have a lot on my mind and heart right now, and I was a little too real on the previous drafts.  I had a definite point I was trying to get across, and I did.  Probably a little too well.  I know that a lot of my friends would have been offended by it.  That would not have been my fault.  I was writing another life lessons entry and some of the lessons I was going to post in this one were direct observations of some people close to me.  I wasn't pointing them out to be mean to them, but to help others not be in some situations that I've found myself in.  I was trying to be helpful, but at the same time, I might have lost some friends.  Again, not technically my fault, because all I was doing was pointing out some things that people do that are unhealthy and flat out wrong.  If they get offended because I pointed those things out, is that my fault? I don't think so, but nevertheless, I am a humanitarian a heart, so I scrapped the previous drafts.

I had 13 more lessons in this go of life lessons, and out of all of those, I am going to mention two today.  The first is this - It is necessary to perform a friend inventory every now and then.  Look at your friends and ask, Are they improving your emotional life, or are they hurting it?  Are they friends with you for you, or what you can do for them.  Often the results of a friend inventory are devastating. Unfortunately, that devastation is usually one-sided.  The second one I will mention is #13.  It's the same #13 from my first life lessons entry.  I am usually right.  Again not trying to sound arrogant, but it's true.  I am usually right, but even I don't always believe what I know.  I know that sounds weird, but I didn't write it wrong.  There are things I know for a fact, yet choose not to believe them or ignore them because of how I feel emotionally toward the subject matter.  I am the fist to admit that this isn't healthy, but I'm always the first to complain that it's hard to change.

In some blog news, the blog is up to a little over 7,000 subscribers now.  I get a crap ton of feedback with each post, and I love it.  All of it.  The compliments as well as the criticisms. You can't grow as a person if you don't continually inventory yourself first.  Some of the worst criticisms I've gotten have turned into some of the best initiative to make a change.  Also, I want to address a lot of questions regarding my twitter account.  For some reason, everyone is asking me why I don't have more followers.  I don't know why the sudden interest, but the answer is simple.  I update twitter about once a year, so yeah.


My parting words of wisdom today are:  A good friend listens as much as they speak.

Until next time dear readers...

The Big D

Without any further ado, let's just jump right into today's topic.

PREFACE This post actually took an emotional toll on me that I wasn't expecting, so please take into mind that I'm pouring out a serving of my soul before you email or post anything too hurtful.  I am putting myself out there more than I'm actually comfortable with on this one, ladies and gentlemen.

The Divorce
First off I want to say my relationship with my ex-wife wasn't all for not.  I have three beautiful daughters as a result, and I would endure the troubles and pain a thousand times over for them.  The question I get asked the most about my divorce is “What happened?”  Well, a lot did. People also like to place blame. There was enough blame to go around in our case. She was never the loving, caring partner I wanted and needed her to be. I had internal (and external) struggles that were, admittedly, my own fault. There was no support to speak of at home. Eventually she just had enough. I get it. This isn't to say she didn't have faults, they were, as mine, many.  While married, I overlooked everything because she was, after all, my wife and the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.  The thing that hurt me more than anything though was the way things went at the end of our time together. Through all the denials and lies, infidelity did happen. We all know how I feel about that. What makes it worse is that in a small town, news travels fast. My girls have to deal with the comments and cruelty of children (and some adults).

Things should have been handled differently for sure.
I make mistakes, and I will continue to, but not as many and not the same ones again.


Meeting New People\Dating
Since the divorce, I've had a few relationships. I've talked to a lot of ladies.  I was given some advice, "If she's not talking to you, she's talking to someone else."  Horrible advice.  If she is that fickle, good, talk to someone else, it's her loss, obviously not mine. As I said, I've had a several girlfriends, nothing solid.  In a couple of cases, I was really the only one in the relationship, and after years of that, I just don't want anything like that anymore.  In the end, was it my fault the relationship didn't work out?  I don't know.  Maybe that's a good enough reason to stay single.

Were there mutual breakups? Sure. What that usually means though, is that one person wants out and the other is the bigger person and lets them pursue their interests in someone else whom they think will make them happy\happier (but eventually it fails) because they care more about that other person than they do themselves. You can see who lost more in that situation and they will never even know.

The Future
If I had my way, sure there would be a Mrs. Riggs in the future, but I just can't see that happening at the moment.  I'm not completely discounting the idea, but I want to be with someone who will put her phone away when I'm with her.  In today's society, that's a sure sign she digs you.  You know, someone that you think about when you go to sleep, and is on your mind when you wake up.  Spending time with that person feels like a privilege that you can't live without.  I'm not going to get into any more feelings, I'm drained.

The Moral
To quote poets Bill S. Preston, Esq. and 'Ted' Theodore Logan, Be excellent to each other.  Seriously. Treat every person with the kindness that they do (or even don't) deserve.