Don’t be That Person

Never let someone else’s negative or misplaced attitude and actions discourage you from becoming the best person you can be. 

A Word on Self Growth

 Dear readers,

I try to post the positive, but alas, not everything is sunshine and roses.  Riggs Leatherworks is starting to take off which makes me happy  Unfortunately, there are people in this world who just can't have a positive spin on the things they do.

As my father and I were making our way back from DFW, my mom called and said the place where our storage units where (he has one, I have one) said my locker had been broken into.  This isn't new, this happens on a regular basis, however, this time they were right.

Starting from the back of my approximately 8x20ft unit, they started at the back and ransacked everything possible. All this on a day special to our family (It was my grandfather's birthday).  Police were called, reports were made, but it looks like the perpetrators fife't have enough sense to cover some of their tracks, so we might have a good lead soon.

Now, I also had gotten food poisoning that day unbeknownst to be.  That has mostly finished wrecking my body at least. 

There are a lot of negatives, but I must be growing, because, while I am upset, I know that I'll get through it, and that whoever decided to play around in my storage isn't important.  Things aren't important, people are.

Like I said, I must be growing emotionally even at my oldish age.

Me as a Benedictine Monk

Look for more positives coming, I'm about 12,000 words into the book about Bushido, and I'm up to my neck in work for clients.  I've been busy, and at times it's a bit overwhelming, but I got this.

Until next time, dear readers...

P.S. - I know quite a few of you read the first chapter of my book, would anyone be interested in an audio version? Let me know!

JAMES Talk

As I have mentioned on social media, I planned on filming my own TED talk type show called the JAMES talk.  Well, I had to do an audio only version of the first talk, and I am working on possibly downing the videos, but currently, my setup isn't allowing me that kind of production value.

The first JAMES Talk is about Healing. I don't claim to hold the secret to how to heal, or heal faster (which sounds nice, but might not be best in the long run), but I do hold some tips that help.  Click Below for the first James Talk!

CLICK HERE - JAMES Talk (Healing)

Until next time dear readers...

Meetings and Partings

In our life we will have many meetings and partings.  I have spoke about this before. Some partings are final, some are not. Meetings happen all the time. 

Something to think about is that you will have just as many partings as you do meetings, in one way or another. I know it’s morbid,  but eventually we will all have to say goodbye to everyone, so make the time you have with people count. 

Without going into detail out of respect for both parties, let just say I'm not in the same relationship I had been in. I'm not upset about my situation, in fact I have three wonderful ladies who keep me pretty busy as it is.   

I know people like a good story, but the long and the short of it is that sometimes people just are not compatible. It’s the lead a horse to water saying in practical application, going both ways, if that makes sense. I’ve learned a lot about myself, good and bad, but more than anything I discovered my self worth. 

Someone once told me to focus on myself and the right people will enter my life, well, that seems very true at this point. I do have a great support system and a back log of leather projects, so that helps a lot. I am at a point where the future is looking pretty good.  I do have some things to get past, and I do have to get back on my diet and exercise plan that I've neglected. And my writing! I now have so much to add, I might get it completed!

Sometimes things hurt.  Things hurt for a reason.  I have been told for some time from multiple sources, that people come into your life to be a lesson or a blessing, I believe this.  There isn't a positive or negative connotation added to this, it's just a fact. I have learned a lot and although there have been so many reasons for me never to try again, I am and I will, and I'm very happy with that part of my life right now.

Everyday is a struggle. Work (Leather business), depression, anxiety, children, people who want to butt into your business, the list goes on and on.  I'm dealing with it on a daily basis, and it wears me down, but when you have the right and true people in your life, it gets easier, and that's where I'm at, well, I'm at the beginning of that phase.

Thank you for a the birthday wishes yesterday, it made me feel incredibly loved!

There are more adventures ahead, we will just have to see what they are, but rest assured, things will not get dull.

Until next time dear readers...

Are we at this level?

Just be kind.

Is that hard? Apparently.  Be kind, be understanding, and be patient.  We live in a "my feelings are more important than yours" kind of closed minded world.  Combine that with the need for immediate gratification and it's a dangerous combination.

I'm not going to get in a great debate about what is or isn't the best course of action for us as a society, but I'll say this - we have to change.

Those who are doing wrong, must be punished, those who aren't, shouldn't be berated because of the color of there skin, no matter what it happens to be.  Recent events have brought to the forefront our (nation's) past.  It's not a pretty one.  I mean, there have been people all along our history who condone (or don't put forth the effort to stop) things that are unimaginably wrong.

Slavery in the past has not been limited to any race, sex or religion.  There have been near genocides of people based (usually) on their social class, not race.  Our ancestors are not us, would you have your child punished for a crime you committed? No. (If you said yes, well, I don't know what to say to you).

If my ancestors had any part in anything that crossed the lines of racism, sexism, ageism, antireligionism, or anything at all that discriminated against someone, I apologize on their behalf, they were obviously ignorant and maybe society had too much influence on them to make a stand.  I also apologize directly to any victims of discrimination, it is not right, and I hope that we find a way as a society to not continue this practice.

Notice I apologized FOR my ancestors and TO any victims, I haven't apologized for myself.  That's because I am not responsible for discrimination of that type.  I will say that if I personally know you, I may discriminate when I'm choosing someone say, to have lunch with.  I may discriminate against someone because they will talk too much, or maybe they won't talk at all.  Discrimination in itself isn't wrong, it literally means to discern between one thing and another.  If we didn't have some form of discrimination in our life, we might have a life full of half-thought choices, that may not be ideal.

Again, just be kind, follow Wheaton's Law, and remember, if we as a society don't change, and keep attacking ourselves, then what's the point? It's like a dog chasing it's tail if we all don't understand.  Humans are humans, apparently inherently ignorant, but still, all human.  Treat everyone that way.

Until next time, dear readers...

Deep Thoughts by James Riggs

If you are old enough, you remember the SNL skit “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy”. Lot of good, funny and sometimes eerily insightful. Well, as we’ve all had (or most of us) a lot a time in our hands, sometimes the thoughts drift into silly realms, and this segment in the blog is about that.

This post’s deep thought is this: During the quarantine, ideally we should only leave our dwellings for food/necessities and to help and check on others. Now, I’ve seen a lot of memes about how introverts have been preparing for this their whole life. 

I get it, it’s funny. Being an introvert I can relate, but I thought about it, there is a group of people who regularly do this. They don’t go to restaurants, or shopping malls or department stores. They leave their home only for food or necessities and daily check on it he less fortunate. Who? Monks. Not even a specific type or group of monks, it pretty much covers them all. I guess this is proof that not everyone is cut out to be a monk, even if the at home haircuts make them look the part.

Just a little something to think about.

Sorry for the long delay in posting, sometimes life gets in the way.  Not a bad thing, quite the opposite, but it happens, and I apologize, I'll try to be as regular as a middle aged man on Metamucil.

Until next time, dear readers...

Day by Day

A lot of you know that I'm currently in a medical position that working isn't possible.  The alternative for now is to stay at home, and either read, clean house or watch TV.  I admit, I do a lot of the latter.

I've got a lot on my plate, but everything takes time. With all this "free" time, I've did a lot of reflecting.  Reflection is good, but it's really what you do with what you learn from said reflection.  There are a lot of things in my life I need to work on, some I can do on my own, some I can't.  For instance, I can really get back to writing on my own, but as for my medical issues, I have to rely on professionals for that.  That being said, it takes the correct professionals, as I have found that some of the ones where I live should go back to school. For my GI\hernia issues, there is a particular surgeon I've seen who I'm now convinced should not be allowed to do anything regarding GI and hernia issues, as I now have worse problems than when I began seeing that doctor.  I won't mention names, obviously, but I have filed formal complaints to the hospital and state agencies. 

Enough of my complaining, what I really want to talk about is the parts I can work on by myself.  As I mentioned, writing is one of the key areas I'd like to get back to focusing on, so little by little, I force myself to sit down, open up my book in progress and write.  A little more each day goes a long way to the end product.  That made me think (the philosophical part of me kicks in), if I make a little progress each day (on anything, not just my writing), then I can see the change, but others can not.  Sometimes we make a lot of progress (any progress is great), but if we depend or rely on the opinion of others for validation of that progress, we will be let down 99% of the time, and that in turn will cause us not to progress any more.

Right now, there is a lot of negativity in my life that I'm having to deal with.  Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of positivity as well, it's just that the negativity level is too far up the meter.  I do my best to deal with it, in my own way.  I can not rely on others to tell me I'm doing well handling it, because everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has their own view on how things should be handled.  Guess what?  I've got this.  I can and will deal with everything, but just as progress on my book, the progress on dealing with the negative people and things in my life is slow as well.  If you remember the inventory process that I've mentioned several times, there are people on this inventory list that I can not (or will not) cut out, no matter how negative and downright mean they are.  In the end, I love these people, and in their own way, I know they love me. 

To wrap this up, I would hope that your takeaways from this rant are that 1) Any progress is great, and 2) Don't look for others for validation.

As always, feel free to write me with your comments\questions\concerns and I will respond, as always.

Until next time, dear readers...

To Grow (Fall Forward)

It's never too late to grow.  It's never too late to admit your mistakes.  There is an amazing speech by Denzel Washington, in which he says it's ok to mess up, it's ok to fall, but fall forward.  Learn from your mistakes, learn from them and make better decisions and choices.  We all are imperfect, and we will mess up, we will falter, but we should take those moments as opportunities to better ourself or others.

In my life, I've made many mistakes, some big, some little.  Always, on the stumbling blocks I had dwelled too much on them.  It takes practice, but even the worst negative can turn into the biggest positive in your life.  I've had close friends and relatives depart from this world, and I harbored many regrets, most commonly that I never let those people know what they meant to me.  Sure, they might have known, but I would have preferred that I made it absolutely clear how much they meant to me.  The solution? Simple actually, while you have those you love, tell them exactly how much they mean to you, don't let them ever wonder how you feel.  Sounds a bit mushy maybe, but it's not always like that.  You can tell a coworker\friend that you respect their work ethic, or their dedication.

Now, I said it was simple, but if you are like me and a confirmed longtime introvert, it may take some practice, but the benefits are well worth going out on a limb with your feelings.  You both benefit from the act.

I guess this post is mainly an affirmation of some changes I'm actively making in my life.  To all of you, my readers, I do appreciate all of you, even those who message me to let me know that they liked my post, but in paragraph 3, section 5, I used "to" instead of "too."  You all play a big part in my life, and I am grateful for each of you.

There is a project I'm working on that I'm documenting, and I'll share in a later post, but I think a lot of you will be able to relate\appreciate it.

Until next time, dear readers...

Things I Learned in the Hood

I grew up watching Mister Rogers.  I watched him change into a cardigan, changes his shoes, and teach me about being a kind, gentle human being.  Sometimes his lessons were so simple, but the message attached was incredibly large and complex.  With some of the things that have been going on in my life, I started thinking about this, What Would Fred Rogers Do?  Not super catchy, but it got me to thinking, and here are 20 life lessons from Mister Rogers, and a little about what they mean to me.

• Each One of Us Is Special and Unique
• This is something that I've tried to pass on to my children.  There is not another one of them in the world, and there never will be.
• You're Never Wrong to Have Feelings
• This hits home right now, because I have said this innumerable times lately to one of my daughters.  She has been made to feel guilty for feeling how she is feeling.  If you are so narcissistic that you try to make your children feel guilty for not feeling the way they should, you should not be allowed around children at all.
• Love is Sacred
• The L word isn't something to use lightly, although it is so often.  Love who you want, for whatever reason you want.  As long as you are both rowing the boat in the same direction, you will reach your destination.
• Use your Imagination
• As we get older, we start being way too analytical, we need to see things with the mind of a child.  We could get so much more accomplished as a species if more people trusted their imagination.
• Stay Positive
• This is so hard.  I try my best, but I often have to make it an active thing to stay positive.  Things could be worse, so be happy and thankful for what you have.
• Look for the Helpers
• This was something Mister Rogers mother had told him.  There is so much chaos going on in our world, and so much negativity, but look for those helping.  They are the ones who are compassionate towards their fellow man, we all should be helpers.
• There is a Very Simple Key to Success
• As Mister Rogers said, there are three ways to succeed.  The first, is to be kind.   The second is to be kind.  The third? Be KIND.  No need to elaborate.  Don't break Wheaton's law.
• Listen
• Do not hear things to respond, listen to things to think.  There is a huge difference between hearing and listening.
• Don't Avoid Difficult Subjects
• Things happen.  Loved ones die, people get divorced, and people fall on hard times.  Be there for your children, so them, tell them what you are going through, let them know that they have the right to feel however they want to, just don't let them forget that they are loved.
• You Don't have to be Perfect
• I still have problems with this one.  We are all flawed.  The term perfectly flawed does apply to this, in the sense that we are who we are.  Our flaws might be severe, but without them, we couldn't be who we are.  Our flaws don't define us, how we handle them does.
• There's More to Life than Coming in First
• I've had numerous coaches in varying sports over the years, and the best among them, in my opinion, did not have the goal of being first.  I'm sure they wouldn't have minded it, but it was more crucial that the team works together, has fun and improves their ability.
• Embrace Growth and Change
• Things change with the times, holding on to the past is only holding you back.
• Imagine
• This is slightly different than using your imagination, in a sense.  Imagine what you can be.  Imagine what you can do.  Dream it, and make it real.
• The Things that Frighten you aren't Really that Scary
• This is an excellent lesson for all of us.  Obviously, the smaller message was explained to the children, those shadows at night in your room? Not real, you are bigger than them.  The larger message, we a bigger than any of our problems, we can and will get through them, and once you conquer them, things aren't quite so scary anymore.
• Take the Time to do a Good Job
• Anything worth doing is worth doing right.  Whatever you do, your name is attached to your work.  No matter what it is, put forth your best effort.  The harder part is figuring our what is worth your time and effort.
• There's Another Kind of Superhero
• Of course, not all superheroes wear capes.  As he was growing up, Mister Roger's fundamental ideas of what a hero was began to change.  Superman and the like, were of course heroes to him, but on a basic kind of level.  The real heroes are the men and women that go to work everyday to fight for our freedom, who maintain our civility and who do not know if they will return home safely at the end of the day.  That - is THE definition of a hero.
• Don't let Differences Divide People
• During the run on his show, racism and segregation were the norm, or it was for his generation, but he taught us that people are people. That's the lesson.  It doesn't matter what they look like, what color they are, how they identify themselves, none of it - none of it matters, because you know why? People are People, and we should show love and respect to them.
• Teach a Child to Love Books
• This starts with the parent.  Read bedtime stories to your children.  Practice your imagination, and just take the book in but make up a story involving them.  Use a different voice for each character, it will make them love diving into the stories from the pages or from your imagination.  Show them that reading is the key to maintaining a healthy imagination.
• Don't Forget What Really Matters
• Sometimes life is overwhelming, but just take a few minutes, sit back and remember what really matters.  Your family, your health, your happiness.
• Be Yourself
• Don't be fake. If you are fake, you will have fake friends, and when you are in a crisis, those fake friends will be nowhere around.  Do what you want, act like yourself, if people don't like it, that's not your fault, that is on them.  Be genuine, by amazing, be you!

I know this was quite a longer entry than usual,, but there is a lot going on, and I use this medium as a form of therapy.  I get a lot of feedback from you, dear reader, and I take in the good with the bad, because if you do not address your shortcomings, then they will lead to a large problem.  Please send me your comments\questions\concerns to me (jaydee.riggs atgmail.com), and I'll include some of them in my next entry!

Until next time, dear readers...

Everybody’s Working For The Weekend

Yeah, I borrowed a lyric from a song for the title, big whoop.  It’s actually relevant to my blog post, so I did it, sorry - not sorry.

Let’s dig right in.  The “ideal” workweek for Americans (and all of us Earthlings probably) is Monday through Friday 8 or 9 AM to 5 PM.  I know that’s not what the majority works (and the world couldn’t function if we all did), but the idea I’m trying to convey is that everyone wants a break.  They want some time to relax, work on a home project, or spend time with loved ones, more time than the 5PM - Bedtime schedule that the weekday provides.

::Enter Weekend, Stage Left::

The weekend, it seems to be the answer to all of life’s problems.

::Exit Weekend, Stage Right::

The weekend is never long enough.  Vacations are amazing, and they too, never seem long enough.  Actually sometimes too much of the wrong vacation seems like more than long enough, too long in fact.  That however, is a different story completely.  We spend so much time getting ready to relax or preparing for a break that the “normal” days go so fast because we are in a kind of autopilot.

Those who are friends with me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram know that a few weeks ago I had a cardiac scare.  My chest was hurting, I was’t as responsive as I should have been... It was just an awful experience and ended up getting a clean bill of health for my heart, but my GI system is being suspected of causing the heart attack like symptoms.  That makes more sense because I had GI issues as a teenager, and I really figured if I was going to have a heart attack it would have been at the gym, either doing squats or on the treadmill.

It made me realize that each day is special.  Every single day we are given, we can never get back, so it's best to make the most of each one.  Tell those you love that you love them, don't assume they know, it means a lot to someone to get validation or confirmation that you relationship is solid.

This is the point in my blog where I tell you if you want to make a life change, do it.  Don't wait, you might not get the opportunity to do it again.  Take the trip, kiss your love, embrace your children.  It's been said many times, but this hold true - your biggest regret will be not doing it.  Our most precious resource is time, and we each have a limited amount.

I'm not just talking to you, my lovely readers, but to myself as well.  I have some (potentially) life changing things in my future, and I'm ready.  Will I be scared? Probably, better pack more underwear.  Will I do my best?  Yes, and better.  If you have anything you've been wanting to start, whether it be getting in shape, changing careers or asking that special someone to be yours, do it.

Now, for those interested, I will be preaching this very message (slightly edited) to Cassie when we go on a plane or boat (she likes neither), or when I'm trying to talk her into riding a scary roller coaster.  There will probably be video if that happens.

As I draw to a close on this post, I wanted to thank you, dear reader.  I have a lot of readers, and a lot of questions sent to me, and you can keep them coming.  I personally answer each question, and sometimes I post them here in case a lot of people ask the same question.  I started writing this blog years ago as kind of a therapy, writing is very cathartic for me. Between this blog, my book of short stories, my biography, and my neglected personal journal I do write a lot.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have been a part of that therapy and I thank you.

Until next time, dear readers...

Moving On

Well, the time has come.  I have to do something I don’t really want to do, but should do.  Layla is going to be sold.  For those of you who don’t remember, Layla is my Hummer.  My 2003 Yellow H2.  My beastie.  

While, yes, I am a little broke up over having to get rid of her, it’s not so much that event that’s changing to much in my life.  I’m starting my life with a woman who loves and car3es for me, and I do the same in return to her, I’ve moved houses, changed schedules, changed diet, there is just a lot going on. I’m muddling through right now, but I will get on top of things pretty quickly, at least, that’s th hope.

One thing I wanted to move forward with and have been working on forever is the “Regular Dad” series.  The idea started years ago, and I’ve made a few trailers, and wrote a few scripts, but I haven’t actually produced an episode, but that is going to be rectified soon.  

I do have a lot of projects coming at me, and it is hard to handle.  Plus, it’s not just projects, it’s problems.  Mine, others, doesn’t matter, I help as much as I can and try to fix things, and I realize that not everything can be fixed.  The other day I saw a post that said (basically) don’t be too busy filling others cups that you run out from your own.  In the past I was made to feel guilty for doing something for myself.  I was made to feel selfish and greedy for trying to help myself, trying to bring up my spirits.

For those of you following my body transformation progress, know that July was officially bulk month.  At least, that’s what I’m calling it.  I got really busy with work, family and moving that I paid little attention to meal planning, but that has changed.  August shall be the month of gains!!!

Until next time, dear reader...

Unconditional

So, some people will take this post as a post on religion, but it's not.  It is however, a look on unconditional love, and I will use examples of teachings that have been around for millennia.  I have re-written this several times because, honestly I was afraid of offending anyone, but in reality, we should be able to listen to someone’s point (or counterpoint) without taking it as a personal attack.  No one is going to think exactly as you do on every subject imaginable, so you might as well just respect their opinion and realize just because someone believes one thing, it does not in any way represent a personal attack on you.  If I talk about something that makes you feel guilty, then, that is your own conscience telling you something. Listen to it.

Unconditional love, by definition is that, love without conditions.  No stipulations, no borders, no limits.  Jesus spent time with sinners as well as saints.  I use Jesus because no matter what your personal beliefs, He can be used as an example of how to live, but more importantly how to love.

He did not love those or interact with those who could only better His position, to the contrary, He was often looked down upon because of the company He kept.  I mean, one of His most trusted apostles was, before the fact, a murderer and persecutor of Christians.  He knew that people can change, and that no one has the right to judge anyone, other than their own self and their higher authority, whatever your belief may or may not be. 

The problem with modern religion is that it is in fact, not modern, at least for the most part.  Unconditional love should be the basis for all religions.  Acceptance is a lesson in humility and humanity.  Judging someone for their past actions or appearance is not something that is taught in most religions, but it is practiced routinely.  Take tattoos as a prime example.  They are mentioned a lot in the Bible, and only once has a negative connotation, and that's when you scar your body for unholy ceremonies for the dead.  Honestly, do you really think that no one had tattoos back then?  Given, it was more of a female thing, but it was very prominent and Isaiah had believers tattoo themselves as belonging to God.  Just saying, any arguments against tattoos are invalid and those arguing the counterpoint should read their texts a little closer and not pick and choose what to take from it.

Yes, I have tattoos, and yes, I plan on getting more, and no, I do not feel guilty for doing so.  The point of this post is truly that not everyone is alike, not 100%, there will always be things that you don’t agree upon, but that doesn’t mean it is an attack on you or your character.  Some people like mustard, if you don’t it doesn’t mean that they don’t like you, but hopefully it means they won’t put mustard on your hamburger at the next cookout.

We are all different.  We are all unique.  We all deserve a little kindness and respect, so be sure to realize that others deserve that too and give them those things, without expectations.  Unconditional humanity, if you will.  I know I’m not going to change the world with one simple blog post, but we as a species are capable of so much more than what we are currently.  Focusing on hate or anger is the most counterproductive thing we can do as sentient beings.  Now, I’m sure I’ll get some “hate” mail from this post, but if you are contemplating sending that argumentative email to me, please re-read this post, I haven’t attacked anyone (even if they like mustard), I’ve expressed my view point which you can take or leave, I am by no means telling you that you have to agree with me.  Part of being human is the disagreements, but it’s moreso about the conversations about those disagreements. Super simplified - Make love, not war.  

Until next time, dear readers...

On Death and Dying (Not the Book)

I find myself here thinking a lot about life and death lately. They are forever linked, but not one in the same.  Different religions have different ideas and teaching about life after death, and there are many similarities between some of said religions.  This is not that article though, I’m not getting into a debate on religion, and which one has it “right.”  Never talk about politics or religion on a blog.  Just kidding, about 40% of blogs are dedicated to just those topics alone, but for my purposes, I will try my best to refrain.

Last week, Cassie’s sister laid to rest her not yet three month old baby.  If you have read my blog in the past, you know I don’t handle death well, I’m not sure why.  For whatever reason, I avoid the topic and when death happens, I still try to avoid it unless it is just unavoidable.  I have been to funerals where the deceased passed unexpectedly and suddenly, but not someone so young.  I hope I never have to again.  Never again.

This isn’t a post about a specific death or death in general, actually to the contrary this post is about life.  More specifically, about living life.  Our time upon this globe is very brief (yes, quoting\paraphrasing Dickens), and it is too short to be anything other than happy.  Don’t spend your time trying to make others feel bad so that you feel better by comparison.  Lifting up your fellow man is far more rewarding than pushing them down.  I’m not saying you should be someone who is constantly helping anyone and everyone, no, I’m not saying that at all.  Being kind doesn’t mean you need to be gullible, if someone consistently acts a negative way or hurts you repeatedly, you should avoid a situation where you would be putting yourself in a position to be hurt.  Common sense does play a part in all this.

You never get a wasted day back.  Lazy days are mentally refreshing, but only on occasions.  Again, time is a resource that you can never get back.  An interesting parallel I will mention is that recently I read quite a few articles and a doctoral thesis on time travel.  It was very interesting that on paper, forward travel (faster than we currently go) is possible.  Ther are many variables that we currently don’t have the technology or comprehension on the subject, so we wait until we do.  The funny thing was that when traveling back in time was mentioned, it was stated to be much more difficult and the requirements for the theory were impossible to reproduce, i.e. we need a containable black hole. Yeah.  It was fun to read on the topic for a while and daydream about what I could go back and fix, but on the other hand, everything that has happened made me who I am, and I like who I am right now, so why would I change it?  It is an ethical\moral\mental challenge to try to grasp the possibility.

Enough of my rambling, for those who keep asking, yes, I will release another podcast, just hold on to your pants.

Until next time, dear readers...

Reflecting

I have spent a lot of time reflecting lately.  You’ve probably noticed I haven’t posted in a while.  I have my reasons, but I do apologize for the short break.  There is so very much going on in my life at the moment, and it’s actually been difficult for me to sit down and write out anything.  I did however start working on a specific chapter of my book, which deals with AD, after divorce.  During my brain storming and mind mapping of the chapter, I realized that although I thought I had forgiven my ex-wife for the things she did, both during and after our divorce, I really had not forgiven anything.  Let me give you an example.  During our separation, she did everything to block me from getting into our home to get my things.  Even after a judge ordered her to let me in, she still did not.  In this process I lost more than $15,000 of personal property that was legally and morally mine.  I came to terms that I wouldn’t get my things, and in a sense I guess I thought that was my way of forgiving, but it was a facade.

I am still angry with her for, in my opinion, not doing the right thing and letting me have my property, but I have to accept that that is the way she is, and always was.  I have forgiven her at this point.  I am still a bit bitter about a lot of things that happened, but dwelling on them, and the past is only making my present and future depressing.  That means that I no longer expect her to act any way other than she always has.  I forgive her for blaming everyone but herself for any problems.  I understand that she can’t mentally handle being the bad guy.

Now, I’m not saying any of this to put her name in the mud, no, this story isn’t about her, it’s about me and it’s about you.  I know my situation with my ex-wife isn’t the worst one that someone could be in, but for my it was bad, and for me to finally figure out after 4 years that it isn’t about her, it’s about me.  Putting the past in the past isn’t easy sometimes, but for you to have a healthy, bright future, it is necessary. If I can do it, trust me you can too.

When they say forgiving someone is a gift, not for them, but for you, they are absolutely correct.

Until next time, dear readers...

The Pause...

“Practice the pause” is a common thing to hear when someone is trying to warn someone from saying or doing something that might have a long lasting negative impact on someone or something.  It’s easy to derive from the phrase what it means, but I’ve seen so many situations escalate out of control because they didn’t think before they spoke or acted, and it can have long lasting, maybe permanent negative effects.  I have been thinking of how I can make it easier for me to show my own children how important that pause really is, so I’ve tried to come up with a checklist of sorts to help.

Before you speak or act in anger, ask yourself - is what you are about to say or do going to:

• Hurt someone’s feelings?
• Hurt someone physically? (providing this is not self defense)\
• Attack or blame someone else not present (or even involved)?
• Directly mislead someone so that you appear to not be at fault?

If you said yes to any of these, then, change your behavior, or at least remain silent.  I’ve seen long time friends stop talking to each other over a stupid comment made in anger that could have been avoided as it was unnecessary. I know this isn’t an easy thing to change, and it takes a lot of work over time.  You have to consciously check yourself in almost every situation you encounter throughout the day.

Hey, nobody’s perfect, and honestly sometimes our flaws are what make us better.  Just be you, and do no harm.

Until next time, dear readers...

Truths Be Told Here

OK, so being honest is one of the best traits a person can have.  Honesty is always the best route to take, even if it hurts.  Why does it hurt though when we tell the truth?  Sometimes when we tell the truth it may hurt others feelings, but if you lie to them, you are not only delaying that hurt, but making it a lot worse because that person will know you lied to them when they find out the truth.  Sometimes we lie for our own personal reasons, almost a self preservation mechanism.  For instance, children will often lie when asked if they did something wrong, even if they did it right in front of you.  It almost seems like deception is in our nature, but with work and perseverance, you can win that battle.  Here are a few truths (with my now famous “no explanation” list):

1. I don’t always call people back.
2. M&Ms are my go-to cheat snack. They will be the death of me.
3. As much as I try not to, I will let some people down, and it hurts deeply each time.
4. I have a very small circle of very close friends, and a medium circle of great friends.
5. I worked in a call center for a flower company for a week, but the callers were way too negative for me.
6. I love photography.
7. My goal is to be a personal trainer full time.
8. I don't always smile, but that doesn't mean I'm unhappy.
9. I have cut my left knee open twice, once when I was 4 and once when I was 12.
10. I have a fondness for all superheroes, but I specifically have a Batman complex.
11. I have five tattoos, with plans for more.

I know, kind of random, but sometimes my brain is random.  As always, you can send me all your comments, questions, or concerns, directly to me at jaydee.riggs@gmail.com.  And for those of you wondering about the next podcast, hold on tight, it is in the works.

Until next time, dear readers...

Tattoos and Taboos

Tattoos, do I have any? Oh yes, I do.  Am I going to get more? Absolutely.

Tattooing has been around for almost ever.  There are plenty of opinions on the subject, and it makes it hard to distinguish some facts.  First of all, people from all walks of life have tattoos, there isn’t anything inherently evil or wrong about getting a tattoo, however, that is also dependent of the tattoo you are getting.

There has been (and probably will be for some time) a debate amongst Christians on whether or not it is a sin to get a tattoo.  For the side that thinks it is a sin, they will usually quote Leviticus 19:28 - "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourself".  Those that use this verse as their proof that it is wrong are actually misinformed or are taking it out of context.  

Our modern concept of tattooing isn’t actually addressed in the Bible, as it wasn’t really in practice at that time.  That verse is actually referring to a practice that was in use at that time, cutting, marking or gashing your own body for ritualistic purposes, used frequently while mourning the dead.  Instead of being called tattooing, it should really be called scarring or scarification, which is completely different that our modern definition of tattooing.

That being said, anything on your body that is sacrilegious would be a sin by all accounts, so basically, you have to use common sense to figure out if the tattoo you are getting is in direct defiance of your religious beliefs, so it should be a pretty cut and dry matter.  Often the simplest explanation is the best.

Back to my tattoos, well, I have a Batman Logo on my right shoulder, a Nightwing Logo on my left shoulder, a semi colon on my right inner wrist and a tear away revealing machinery on my right leg\calf.  Each one I have has a special meaning to me, even if it is silly, and not one of them violates any of my religious beliefs\morals.  As I said, I plan on getting more, but haven’t set in stone (or flesh) for sure what they are.  I want to get another tear away revealing machinery on my forearm, but I haven’t decided which yet.  I also want a lion on my chest (Leo’s gotta represent, right?).

Here are some good examples: 

I also have a very special tattoo planned that I am getting next, and it will be a matching tattoo that Cassie and I are both getting.  By far it will be my most emotional and meaningful tattoo.  Now, I hear an all too familiar comment very often, and it’s something like “You going to regret getting a tattoo when you are old and saggy.”  First off, the tattoos I’ve gotten so far and the ones for the future are not in locations that will actually “sag” that much, if at all, so that’s not a worry in my mind.  Now, about the old part?  I doubt that when I get old my biggest regret is going to be that Batman Has been on my shoulder all that time.  I also think of this couple when I hear the “old” argument come up:

I see no problems with tattoos as long as you stay true to who you are when you decide what the artist will do when they put the needle to your skin.

Your thoughts?

Look for a special podcast episode coming up soon, the first (of many hopefully) with an incredibly special guest.

Until next time, dear readers...

Story Time

So, from last post to now a whole lot as happened, and with everything the way it is, it make me want to tell a story.  Sit back, relax and enjoy this tale of mine.

Imagine there is a man.  This man dated a woman.  This woman planned a surprise visit (she lived an hour or so away) on the man’s birthday.  The man had went through some hard times and was briefly staying with his parents.  The man’s mother wasn’t fond of the man’s girlfriend because her outward appearance was unconventional.  The man loved the woman for her, her appearance doesn’t mean a lot to him, although she was beautiful.  The man’s mother thought it was very forward for the lady to show up, although she had already discussed it with the woman, and the man’s sister.  They knew, it wasn’t a surprise to them.  It was one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had.  The man’s mother decided to judge her without knowing everything about her and hearing her past, judged her on who she was, not who she is.  She isn’t the person she was, and the man isn’t the person he was, which for a very long time wasn’t in a good place.  Both the man and woman had pasts they weren’t proud of, but they did not let that define who they were now.

The man and woman had fallen deeply in love, and after a few months decided to move in together.  They found a place that would fit the woman’s children and the men’s children, as best as their budget would allow.  After another few months, keep in mind that the mans mother disliked the woman so bad, she did not want her or her children in her house.  It was very silly.

A few months later, the woman got pregnant.  The man wanted to avoid the drama of his mother’s reaction, so he chose not to tell her.  The man and woman were very happy, but she did not like the secrecy, and rightfully so.  Fast forward nine weeks, and they went to a doctor’s appointment.  The man and woman looked at the ultrasound screen in terror.  The doctor came in.  He informed that, yes, our baby was dead.  The precious life that they created was now in heaven.  It was too much for both of them.  They did not know how to react.  The woman decided to leave, go back to what she left before she met the man.  The man tried to find love, but he knew in his heart he still loved the woman.

A couple of months had went by, and things were bad enough that the woman realized, as she did when she left that she loved the man more than anything, and wanted to spend her life with him, and no other man.  The man left his girlfriend, the woman left the other man, and they reunited.  The mans mother still did not like the woman.  The man’s mother still had not tried to get to know the woman.  The future for the man and woman is solid, they know what they want and they deal with people naysaying on a regular basis.  They have hurt some people along the way, and they are not unfeeling towards what they have done.  They regret some actions, but they are working to rebuild some of the trust they lost during that time.  They are willing to prove their love, they do plan to spend the rest of their life together.  The man is upset with his mother, but his ex-wife is harassing him as well.

The man’s ex-wife, who has since remarried, to the boy that she cheated on the man with, has now stuck her nose into the man’s business.  She says she doesn’t want the children that they had together to be around the woman.  The ex-wife is upset because when she was married to the man, she could control him, as she is a very, very controlling person.  Now that she can’t control the man, it frustrates her to no end, so she tries to use their children as a tool to hurt him.  She doesn’t want their children around the woman, but she has never sat down and talked with her, she is judging only appearance.  The ex-wife is petty and a fool.  The ex-wife has no say on this and it is driving her to the point of calling the man and spending 5 minutes or so screaming and cursing at the top of her lungs at him. The man is not afraid of her, because she is a small person, and small people think only of themselves.

The man and the woman are happy.  All of their children are happy.  They are safe.  They are home.  The man loves the woman, and the woman loves the man.  There love is never ending but forever growing.  No matter what anyone says, they know that together they are stronger that their struggles.

End of Story, for now...

Sorry for the length on this post, but take what you will from this post, that’s all i can say.

Until next time, dear readers...

All Apologies

So, a lot of things have transpired since my last post.  I’ve made people mad, and I’ve made people happy, and I’ve came to the same conclusion that many people already have.  You can’t please everyone, and if you do, you are lying to them or to yourself.

I’ve never in my life set out to hurt anyone.  I’m not that type of person.  I have however, ended up hurting some people, and I will be eternally sorry for that.

In the end, you have to do what you feel is right in your heart.  You may make people mad when you do something that is right for you, and although that is horrible, again, you have to do what you feel is right for you,

So, you might notice the new website address.   I’ve been changing a few things, and this is one of them, the site is now mytypographything.com, since it has expanded beyond just a normal blog.

To those I’ve hurt, please know that it was never my intention, and that I do care for you deeply.  To those who are in my life, making me happy, thank you.  I haven’t really been this happy for some time, and it’s an amazing feeling.


Until next time, dear readers...

Simple Relationship Advice

So, I get a lot of questions asking for advice in different aspects of relationships.  I don’t know why, I clearly am not a good example when it comes to ships, as in relationships.  However, I am learning. Here, in my famous format, is a list of tips for relationships.

1. Never stop winning your partner over, just because you landed the relationship, it doesn’t mean you need to stop that.
2. Learn.  Things may go good, or go bad, but learn, and admit your part and work on it.
3. Love yourself first.  You are an amazing person, and you need to realize that before you let anyone try to love you the way you need to be specifically loved.
4. Put your phone down.
5. Listen.  Don’t just hear what they are saying, but listen.
6. Sometimes people just need compassion, not guidance.
7. Treat every day as a new opportunity to express how your partner makes you feel.
8. Don’t avoid issues, deal with them.
9. Be completely honest, not just with your partner, but yourself. Especially yourself.
10. When in doubt, talk it out.
11. Never miss an opportunity to praise your partner, not just in public, but in private too.
12. Long lasting relationships are not two people needing each other.  They are two people who do NOT NEED one another, but choose every day that they WANT each other, and show their partner that at every opportunity.

There, that’s a good start.  I am by no means saying I’m proficient at any of these, but these are a few of the things I’ve learned that help relationships grow and stay strong.  If you feel you can’t do all of these, gladly and with pride, maybe it’s not the right relationship. There is no rule that says if you are in love with someone that they are the right person for you.  As someone who has had several failed attempts at relationships (including a failed marriage), let me tell you, sometimes your love for someone isn’t the same as their love for you. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed is not a part of a healthy, “right” relationship.

I can’t tell you if you are with the right person, and even if I did, what are the chances you would really listen?  As humans, we don’t like to admit we are ever wrong, because over the centuries being wrong has been associated with being a failure.  I’ve learned more about myself and about life in general by being wrong than I ever have by being right.  Being wrong has brought me to where I am in my life, and right now, I’m pretty happy.  I know that there is still a lot of work for me to do, but getting things wrong is how I will get there.  

Until next time, dear readers...