JAMES Talk

As I have mentioned on social media, I planned on filming my own TED talk type show called the JAMES talk.  Well, I had to do an audio only version of the first talk, and I am working on possibly downing the videos, but currently, my setup isn't allowing me that kind of production value.

The first JAMES Talk is about Healing. I don't claim to hold the secret to how to heal, or heal faster (which sounds nice, but might not be best in the long run), but I do hold some tips that help.  Click Below for the first James Talk!

CLICK HERE - JAMES Talk (Healing)

Until next time dear readers...

Blushing Groom To Be

Well, if you are friends with me on Facebook or follow my Instagram you know the news.  I’m getting married!  It’s been a whirlwind of events lately, but everything is falling into place.

With that in mind, they say that everything has to fall apart to fall into place, and I do agree.  I mean, everything didn’t completely fall apart, but some things did, and those things allowed for everything to fall together.  I am incredibly happy right now.  While there are others who aren’t as happy as she and I are, eventually they will come around.

Now, I’m not the foremost authority on relationships, but I do know what I believe will work, and I have complete faith in this relationship.  I know that we will put our best efforts into ensuring a long and happy life together.  Really, isn’t that what everyone wants, to be happy?

You will not be able to make everyone happy all the time, so focus on a few, including yourself.  When you are happy with yourself, the sky is the limit on what you can do.  I’m not just throwing some words together to make a complete sentence, I mean it - the happier and more confident you are in yourself, the more it will show, and you will attract like minded people and be able to form some amazing, meaningful relationships.

After that ephinany, I should end the blog post, but I’m not.

The podcast will have another episode soon, just finding enough time to do it, and creating a semi-coherent agenda.

As most of you know, I’m a active representative\salesperson for the supplement company Redcon1.  I wouldn’t sell a product I don’t support, and I have honestly been able to see results since using it.  Feel free to ask me for samples, or ask me any questions you might have, and I’ll get back with you as soon as possible.  I will soon be recommending specific products on my blog, but not so much as trying to sell it as trying to help you with your gains (or loses if that’s your goal).  Look for them soon, and if you do want to order, use this link and\or discount code T20JRiggs.

Until Next Time Dear Readers...

(Another) Word on Divorce

So, I still get a lot of questions about my divorce and how I’ve coped with it. Here’s what I’ll say, everything else (well, this too) is in my book, be looking for that.

My divorce.  It changed my life, in all sorts of ways, and really to this day affects me.  With no details being given, let’s just say I had a reason to mistrust, and there is little else on this earth that hurts like having to say goodbye to someone who is still living, especially when you have so much you’d like to say, but you know it would fall on deaf ears.

The night I was essentially kicked out of my own home was horrible, I still occasionally have nightmares that relive that evening.  I literally lost (almost) everything, with just four words, “I want a divorce.”  Of course, there were some problems, but the ones she was bringing up were things that had been resolved, so she was just looking for a reason, and I wasn’t ready to end things just yet, but that didn’t matter, she was done.  There was no, “Hey, I think we are having issues, let’s work on them,” there was just a “get out.”

It cuts incredibly deep, and has changed the way that I look at any new relationship.  I’ve been through several relationships, and there is always several factors that are different now.  First of all, I have three beautiful girls and their opinion means a great deal to me.  Being the sympathetic children they are, if they see that the person is making me happy, then they like them, if not, well, they let me know.  As I’m looking for a potential lifelong partner, their opinion is almost more important than mine in some regards.  I’ve had my parents weigh in on occasion, and again, I value their opinion, but what it all boils down to is trust.  Can I trust this person? There have been those I trusted, even after my divorce, which turned out to be a bad idea.  There has been a lot of emotions going through my head as I had tried to date.

Where am I at now?  Well, that’s my business, but let’s just say, finding the right person to trust and love isn’t easy, and when you do, it has the potential to be absolutely amazing.  I’m extremely careful whom I place my heart in care with.

Simple Relationship Advice

So, I get a lot of questions asking for advice in different aspects of relationships.  I don’t know why, I clearly am not a good example when it comes to ships, as in relationships.  However, I am learning. Here, in my famous format, is a list of tips for relationships.

1. Never stop winning your partner over, just because you landed the relationship, it doesn’t mean you need to stop that.
2. Learn.  Things may go good, or go bad, but learn, and admit your part and work on it.
3. Love yourself first.  You are an amazing person, and you need to realize that before you let anyone try to love you the way you need to be specifically loved.
4. Put your phone down.
5. Listen.  Don’t just hear what they are saying, but listen.
6. Sometimes people just need compassion, not guidance.
7. Treat every day as a new opportunity to express how your partner makes you feel.
8. Don’t avoid issues, deal with them.
9. Be completely honest, not just with your partner, but yourself. Especially yourself.
10. When in doubt, talk it out.
11. Never miss an opportunity to praise your partner, not just in public, but in private too.
12. Long lasting relationships are not two people needing each other.  They are two people who do NOT NEED one another, but choose every day that they WANT each other, and show their partner that at every opportunity.

There, that’s a good start.  I am by no means saying I’m proficient at any of these, but these are a few of the things I’ve learned that help relationships grow and stay strong.  If you feel you can’t do all of these, gladly and with pride, maybe it’s not the right relationship. There is no rule that says if you are in love with someone that they are the right person for you.  As someone who has had several failed attempts at relationships (including a failed marriage), let me tell you, sometimes your love for someone isn’t the same as their love for you. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed is not a part of a healthy, “right” relationship.

I can’t tell you if you are with the right person, and even if I did, what are the chances you would really listen?  As humans, we don’t like to admit we are ever wrong, because over the centuries being wrong has been associated with being a failure.  I’ve learned more about myself and about life in general by being wrong than I ever have by being right.  Being wrong has brought me to where I am in my life, and right now, I’m pretty happy.  I know that there is still a lot of work for me to do, but getting things wrong is how I will get there.  

Until next time, dear readers...

Always in the Process of Improvement

API.

Always in the Process of Improvement

That’s the goal.  Whether is is physical improvement, mental improvement, life situation improvement, it doesn’t matter - just keep striving to improve.  The best advice I can give someone who is trying their hardest to reach an attainable goal is simply this. “Keep going, don’t stop.”  It’s simple, but even just the slightest encouragement can make a word of different to someone, as words of discouragement can do the opposite.

Now for a word on happiness.  Happiness comes from within.  Outside factors can have an effect on how hard you have to try to be happy, but ultimately, it is an internal decision, everyday.  I love to see others happy, that is one thing that brings me genuine joy, however, in my process of trying to make others happy, I’ve neglected most of the things about me that make myself happy.  I’ve been happy, but it was vicariously through someone else’s happiness.  Happiness has a tendency to rub off, and that’s a very good thing.  Now, when you solely depend on others happiness to be happy, you need to take a look at yourself.  It’s ok, things happen. Life often gets in the way of most things, but we have to work with it everyday.  

Recently I made the realization that while, yes, I am happy at the moment, it’s not my happiness, it’s others rubbing off.  I mean what I need to be or have to make me happy, and that is a work in progress.  I’ve tried some things (nothing illegal), to see if it was what I was missing, and I’m sad to say that it didn’t work.  My heart knows what it knows, and for once, my brain and heart are in perfect alignment, and I have to wait for that opportunity.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster, that’s for sure, but yeah, it is what it is, and while that may make others sad or even mad, it’s better to figure things out early on rather than farther down the road.

Take a deep look at your situation. Are you truly happy? If not, then change it, if so, then cultivate it.  It’s a simple formula.  In order to make yourself happy, you might make others unhappy or even mad, but that’s not on you, that’s on them. Remember that.

Until next time dear readers...

Hard to Follow That One...

What's this? Another entry so soon? Sure, why not.  Thought I would answer some quick questions that I haven't addressed yet.

First of all, I have decided that my personal life is going to be private for a while.  I've made the mistake of throwing a bunch of stuff on social media and it just makes things harder.  Yes, I eventually will share, but for now, mum is the word.

Now, some of the questions.

When you meal prep (which I know takes hours), do you eat during that process?

Absolutely.  I "taste" everything.  I'm not going to lie, I cook pretty good, and when I start cooking, I can't help but eat.  The good thing is that it is mostly healthful, so no worries.

Do you have a regular gym schedule?

I do and don't.  I have a schedule, but I go to the gym when I can and when it's not full of people.  I like it when there are only a few people there, most of them know me by name, so It's a little more personal.  It's nice when I hear "Hey James!", "What's up Riggs?" or "Woohoo it's The Machine!"

Are you still training people?

Yes, but not a lot at the moment because my schedule isn't really allowing enough time for a lot of clients.  Look for a lot more #riggs shirts and posts very soon though.

When is your first video bog going to go live?

When it does. I really can't give you a time on that, as I'm still trying to figure out the flow of it.  I've got ideas, but I'm working on it.

Ok, so this was a quick entry, but I wanted to address those questions since I've gotten quite a few that are on those lines.  Keep your questions coming in!

Until next time dear readers...

If You’re Happy and you Know It

They say being happy is a state of mind.  I agree.  I am right, now, probably happier than I have ever been.  That’s not to say everything is going the way I want it to, or that everything is sunshine and roses.  Everything isn’t. There are still things I’m working on, still projects to complete, still stuff to be done.  With all that is pending, I’m still happy.  I’m happy with the progress in my life at this point.  Everything is looking up.

I’ve read that everyone needs to take responsibility for everything in their life.  That doesn’t mean you have to accept blame for everything because that isn’t healthy.  What that means is that you need to accept the responsibility for how you react to everything in your life.  It falls in line with that taking lemons and making lemonade bit.

Bobby McFerrin was an genius.  His song, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" is a philosophical high point in our existence.  Seriously.  Things aren't always going to be great, but that doesn't mean you have to just sit down and wallow in your sorrow.  That was an unintentional rhyme, so I hope that made you smile a little bit.

About smiling.  Do it.  Fake it till you make it works in some cases.  Your smile is infectious.  There is a certain lady in my life, that whenever she smiles, I can't help but feel really, really good.  Every. Single. Time.  Smiling leads to laughing, laughing leads to forgetting about the problems currently surrounding you, and ultimately leads to you being happy.  Be the one that makes everyone happy, no one likes Debbie Downer.

I'm making this entry fairly short because I am about to start filming for a new web series that I'm working on, more on that later, but please guys, be the light that others like to turn to.  Simple.

Until next time, dear readers...

Life is a Puzzle

At least I didn’t say it was like a box of chocolates.  Seriously though, life is exactly like a puzzle.  Sometimes we think we see the image and we try to make the pieces fit that we think should complete the image, but they just will not fit.  Now, on the reverse side of that, sometimes you find, just by trying, by accident, that a piece fits.  Then the next piece then also, just fits. After a while, you stop trying to make the image what you think it should be, and allow it to become what it is supposed to be.

Too deep? Ok, well, to sum all that up is easy.  When you stop trying to make things happen, things fall into place.  To use another cliche, sometimes things have to fall apart to come together.  I have given a lot of thought into my life lessons, and really, every post on this blog.  I have a lot of readers, who have amazing hearts.  I haven’t updated in a while, because, well, it’s been a combination of things.

I’ve been busy.  Now, this doesn’t mean that I have been avoiding updating and that’s my excuse, it means I’ve genuinely been busy.  I’ve been spending my visitation time with my girls on a series of adventures.  I usually update you while we are staying at Beaver’s Bend, but this year, I forgot my laptop.  There will be pictures soon, some are already on my Facebook page, some soon to be on my Instagram. There, as always, are those who ask me how my personal life is doing, and I generally like to avoid that topic.  Something has changed that though...

Through a combination of luck and timing, I did meet someone.  When I say that, the statement carries a certain gravitas, I suppose.  I’m not the type to just put out information at random, well, not personal information, well, not this personal.  I was looking for someone, that much you know.

We started by just simply talking, or texting mostly.  In the process of getting to know each other, we discovered we had both had similar life experiences. Further on, we discovered that we had a very similar sense of humor, which is saying something, but honestly, that’s been difficult.  She is extremely intelligent, and gets my weird pop culture references.  Well, she might not get all of them, but I’m pretty sure that no one gets some of them.  Not even me.  Moving on.  We slowly (or not so slowly depending on who you talk to) realized that we really enjoyed each other’s company and conversation. We are both very happy, and I don’t see that changing anytime.

I figured I wouldn’t make this entry just a big love letter to Cassie.  I'm a happy man now, beyond what I ever expected, and all of a sudden all of those dopey love songs make sense.  I's a very, very good feeling.

Until next time, dear readers...

Still Learning

A few months ago I posted an entry called "I'm Still Learning," and I wanted to say that, that is still the case.  I find out bad things about myself, and I correct them as best as I can.  I find flaws in others and forgive them, as best as I can.  Actually to that point, I may have perfected that a little too well, and I may need to change that to "forgive and distance."  Anyhow, to the main point of this post, I wanted to give some more life lessons.  Keep in mind, some of these may be repeats, but there is obviously a reason they are being repeated, so pay attention.

Life Lessons (Again, without explanations):

• No one is perfect, if you think they are, they can only let you down.
• People will believe what they want to, often without hearing all sides.
• If your best isn't good enough for a person, then that person isn't good enough for you.
• Maintain your self-respect, walk away before you can't.
• A relationship should never be adversarial.  Your teammates, not opponents.
• Trust is built slowly, but broken quickly,
• Always pause to think before you do or say anything, consider all viewpoints.
• If someone doesn't show interest, then they are, well uninterested.
• Sometimes it is essential to tell people how you feel, so long as doing so doesn't hurt them unnecessarily.
• Sometimes if you know something about someone that they don't know you know, it's best to let them tell you in their own time, as long as it doesn't to do harm to either of you.
• You might need to hold your tongue from saying some things, and I mean literally.
• We as humans are inclined to form an opinion about someone before getting to know them, so we could end up loving or hating the idea of a person, rather than the person.  Either way, this way of thinking will affect our actual impression of the person.
• I joke around and always bring up Rule 13, that I am always right.  I'm not, in fact, I've been made shockingly aware that I am not right nearly as often as I thought.  I am imperfect, and I always will be, so using an absolute like "always" is meant as a joke.  Trust me, I'm right.
• Friends are a valuable commodity, one that over the years increases in value, invest in them.  Support them, believe in them, and encourage them.  In turn, they will do the same for you when you need it most.
• Sometimes juice companies use sweetened, colored, apple juice and market it as grape juice. Lies.
• If it's not pushing you forward, towards something better, then it's pulling you back, to where you don't want to be.  Change it.
• Don't live passively, be the most active part of your life.
• Don't let others make decisions for you, they don't have to live with the consequences.

I know, there's a lot, but there could have been a lot more.  I'll save those for another post another day.

Until next time, dear readers...