Meetings and Partings

In our life we will have many meetings and partings.  I have spoke about this before. Some partings are final, some are not. Meetings happen all the time. 

Something to think about is that you will have just as many partings as you do meetings, in one way or another. I know it’s morbid,  but eventually we will all have to say goodbye to everyone, so make the time you have with people count. 

Without going into detail out of respect for both parties, let just say I'm not in the same relationship I had been in. I'm not upset about my situation, in fact I have three wonderful ladies who keep me pretty busy as it is.   

I know people like a good story, but the long and the short of it is that sometimes people just are not compatible. It’s the lead a horse to water saying in practical application, going both ways, if that makes sense. I’ve learned a lot about myself, good and bad, but more than anything I discovered my self worth. 

Someone once told me to focus on myself and the right people will enter my life, well, that seems very true at this point. I do have a great support system and a back log of leather projects, so that helps a lot. I am at a point where the future is looking pretty good.  I do have some things to get past, and I do have to get back on my diet and exercise plan that I've neglected. And my writing! I now have so much to add, I might get it completed!

Sometimes things hurt.  Things hurt for a reason.  I have been told for some time from multiple sources, that people come into your life to be a lesson or a blessing, I believe this.  There isn't a positive or negative connotation added to this, it's just a fact. I have learned a lot and although there have been so many reasons for me never to try again, I am and I will, and I'm very happy with that part of my life right now.

Everyday is a struggle. Work (Leather business), depression, anxiety, children, people who want to butt into your business, the list goes on and on.  I'm dealing with it on a daily basis, and it wears me down, but when you have the right and true people in your life, it gets easier, and that's where I'm at, well, I'm at the beginning of that phase.

Thank you for a the birthday wishes yesterday, it made me feel incredibly loved!

There are more adventures ahead, we will just have to see what they are, but rest assured, things will not get dull.

Until next time dear readers...

Simple Relationship Advice

So, I get a lot of questions asking for advice in different aspects of relationships.  I don’t know why, I clearly am not a good example when it comes to ships, as in relationships.  However, I am learning. Here, in my famous format, is a list of tips for relationships.

1. Never stop winning your partner over, just because you landed the relationship, it doesn’t mean you need to stop that.
2. Learn.  Things may go good, or go bad, but learn, and admit your part and work on it.
3. Love yourself first.  You are an amazing person, and you need to realize that before you let anyone try to love you the way you need to be specifically loved.
4. Put your phone down.
5. Listen.  Don’t just hear what they are saying, but listen.
6. Sometimes people just need compassion, not guidance.
7. Treat every day as a new opportunity to express how your partner makes you feel.
8. Don’t avoid issues, deal with them.
9. Be completely honest, not just with your partner, but yourself. Especially yourself.
10. When in doubt, talk it out.
11. Never miss an opportunity to praise your partner, not just in public, but in private too.
12. Long lasting relationships are not two people needing each other.  They are two people who do NOT NEED one another, but choose every day that they WANT each other, and show their partner that at every opportunity.

There, that’s a good start.  I am by no means saying I’m proficient at any of these, but these are a few of the things I’ve learned that help relationships grow and stay strong.  If you feel you can’t do all of these, gladly and with pride, maybe it’s not the right relationship. There is no rule that says if you are in love with someone that they are the right person for you.  As someone who has had several failed attempts at relationships (including a failed marriage), let me tell you, sometimes your love for someone isn’t the same as their love for you. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed is not a part of a healthy, “right” relationship.

I can’t tell you if you are with the right person, and even if I did, what are the chances you would really listen?  As humans, we don’t like to admit we are ever wrong, because over the centuries being wrong has been associated with being a failure.  I’ve learned more about myself and about life in general by being wrong than I ever have by being right.  Being wrong has brought me to where I am in my life, and right now, I’m pretty happy.  I know that there is still a lot of work for me to do, but getting things wrong is how I will get there.  

Until next time, dear readers...

A Simple Yes or No

In life, we as human beings tend to try to over complicate things.  We create problems where non exist.  On the other side of that coin, we also have a tendency to overlook problems, or ignoring issues all together.  We are a complicated species.

I’ve been guilty of both sides of this problem on multiple occasions, and will likely continue to do so to a certain degree.  I had written up my next blog post and it was more or less a rant piece on why people can’t see what’s glaring at them in the face sometimes.  Even with someone pointing it out,m it’s like they have blinders on in that regard.  It ended up getting more personal than I had intended, which made me realize, I was too close to the situation.  I really took a few steps back any analyzed  (over analyzed I’m sure), the situation  and that’s when it dawned on me.  Sometimes when people say they want your help, that’s not exactly what they mean.  They mean they want your support, even if you see the dangers of their actions, they just want you there to listen, to tell them it will be ok, even if that may be a lie.

There is a big difference between respecting someone’s choice and agreeing with it.  Sometimes we get so fixated on an end result, we ignore bothe the good things and bad things that happen along that journey.  I still respect my friends choices, and I won’t point out any red flags anymore,  I will acknowledge the good things that were a result of that person’s choices. Admittedly that puts me in a quiet position most of the time, but people will see what they want to see and are quick to place blame on those who point out someone else’s error.  People need to choose for themselves what they will and won’t accept in regards to how they are treated.

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn.  I grew up with a mindset that right is right and wrong is wrong. You don’t act a certain way, and you don’t allow yourself to be treated a certain way.  People grow up differently though, and what isn’t acceptable to one person is completely acceptable to another.  I’m not saying one person is right and the other wrong, I’m just saying their perspectives aren’t the same.  

Sometimes being honest means not being kind, or telling people things they already know, but don’t want to hear.  I’ve started implementing a very simplistic way of thinking.  It’s a yes or no system.  Does the person know what you are going to tell? Yes? No need to tell again, they don’t want to hear it. Will it harm the person to say it? Yes? Don’t say it.  Do they want your opinion? No? Just give them your support and be there to listen,  A lot of life’s big issues can actually be boiled down to a yes or no answer system.  Do you know it’s harmful? Then don’t do it. Do you have faith that it can be done? If yes, put you’re all into it.  Always remember though, if your all isn’t good enough for it, it’s not good enough for you.

Also, I want to bring up for the billionth time the word honesty. Just be honest, it saves time, heartache and so much more,  I respect someone who hurts my feelings by being honest so much more than someone who lies to try to not hurt them.

Until next time, dear readers...

Always in the Process of Improvement

API.

Always in the Process of Improvement

That’s the goal.  Whether is is physical improvement, mental improvement, life situation improvement, it doesn’t matter - just keep striving to improve.  The best advice I can give someone who is trying their hardest to reach an attainable goal is simply this. “Keep going, don’t stop.”  It’s simple, but even just the slightest encouragement can make a word of different to someone, as words of discouragement can do the opposite.

Now for a word on happiness.  Happiness comes from within.  Outside factors can have an effect on how hard you have to try to be happy, but ultimately, it is an internal decision, everyday.  I love to see others happy, that is one thing that brings me genuine joy, however, in my process of trying to make others happy, I’ve neglected most of the things about me that make myself happy.  I’ve been happy, but it was vicariously through someone else’s happiness.  Happiness has a tendency to rub off, and that’s a very good thing.  Now, when you solely depend on others happiness to be happy, you need to take a look at yourself.  It’s ok, things happen. Life often gets in the way of most things, but we have to work with it everyday.  

Recently I made the realization that while, yes, I am happy at the moment, it’s not my happiness, it’s others rubbing off.  I mean what I need to be or have to make me happy, and that is a work in progress.  I’ve tried some things (nothing illegal), to see if it was what I was missing, and I’m sad to say that it didn’t work.  My heart knows what it knows, and for once, my brain and heart are in perfect alignment, and I have to wait for that opportunity.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster, that’s for sure, but yeah, it is what it is, and while that may make others sad or even mad, it’s better to figure things out early on rather than farther down the road.

Take a deep look at your situation. Are you truly happy? If not, then change it, if so, then cultivate it.  It’s a simple formula.  In order to make yourself happy, you might make others unhappy or even mad, but that’s not on you, that’s on them. Remember that.

Until next time dear readers...

A Long, Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far, Far...

So, it’s been a few days since my last post.  A lot has happened.  I’ve been busy, and I mean busy. Between work, kids, gym, personal training, and personal stuff, I’ve had about 10 minutes of “free” time (which is spent washing dishes).  I’ve gotten a whole lot of feedback on my last post.  The majority of it was positive, but some of the negative ones are sticking with me, which provided me with an epiphany.

In life (in general), the negative things tend to stick better in our memory.  This is because they hit on our emotions and insecurities more so than positive things.  It’s normal.   Think about your childhood, you will remember good things (I hope you do), and you will remember bad things (I know you will), and sometimes the scales are tipped a little unfairly.  Sometimes we get stuck on fixing the negative and ignore maintaining the positive.  It’s all about changing your mindset, and it’s not an easy task by any stretch.

Ok, so, just some little notes here...

As I’m sure you remember, I’ve been looking to get sponsored as an athletic performer, and I’ve had some interest, and some success.  Saying too much will obviously jinx it, so, that’s about as clear\vague as I’m going to get at this point.  I’m still getting closer to getting my personal trainer certification, and when I have some extra money laying around, I’ll pay for the certification exam and go from there.

Right now, I’m really busy, which is probably a good thing, but it does cut out time for some things, and I’m trying to juggle my schedule to make sure I can get to those things.  It’s a hectic time, but I must absolutely say that I am extremely grateful for everyone in my life, and to you reading this (yes, you!) I am very grateful for you too.

Now, my podcast is going well, listener base is starting to rise slowly, but it is rising, comments and questions are coming in, and I love it!  Good or bad, let me know what you think, ask me anything, ands I will answer, unless it’s of a personal matter.  Also, for you Apple listeners, it should show up in the apple podcast app shortly, I know that will make a few of you very happy, lol.

As always, I strongly encourage you to ask me questions, give me feedback or just say hi.  I usually respond relatively quickly, so fire away!

Until next time, dear readers...

Start off With Truth

Ok, so, honesty is very important to me, so I’m going to take a minute and be completely honest with you.

At the moment, I am looking for direction in my life.  Being honest, I’m not where I want to be, and I am looking for the first step to get to where I want and\or need to be.  Do I want to spend the rest of my life at my current job, and living in my current situation? No.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, I work with some great people, and I may not live in a palace, but I’m happy to have a place over my head.

The ways of the universe, under God’s command, have placed me where I am in this moment for a reason.  It’s not my job to try to find that reason, honestly, it’s my job to learn from my situation, what got me here, and try to better myself.  I’ve said it before, but the only person I’m in competition with is myself.  I just have to be better today than I was yesterday.  I feel like I’m doing that, to the best of my ability.   Everyday I learn something about myself or others that I can take to heart and work on\with.

Do I want to be single forever? No, I really don’t, no matter what type of front I put on.  Finding that someone to spend the rest of my time here on Earth with is not an easy task.  I have met some wonderful people that will always be my friend, no matter how anything else worked (or didn’t work) out.  I am grateful.  My heart is thankful for everything, good or bad, I am thankful.  It’s not like I’m trying to hide myself away or anything.  I am putting myself out there, I am trying, and maybe I should be, or maybe I shouldn’t be, I don’t really know.  I know that I want to take an active part in my life and not just watch everything pass me by.

I have many friends.  I’m not talking about Facebook friends, I mean people I’m friends with in real life, you know, that you can talk to, not just text to.  Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has an opinion on what I should be doing, or trying to do.  That’s great, I appreciate input.  The thing is though, it is their opinion, like I said, so it is what they think from their point of view with the amount of knowledge they have about the situation(s).  I listen, I don’t just hear them.  Who knows, I might get that one bit of inspiration from a friend who is actually talking about something else.  I mean things work out in mysterious ways sometimes.

I’ve been continuing writing a chapter in my book that I know will never be read, its a chapter for me.  This chapter really captures a lot of my heart, and although I am releasing a lot of knowledge about myself in this book, what I am writing now is something I will share with no one.  Call it a more in depth journal entry, or what have you, but getting it out does help, ever so slightly.

On a final note, the podcast is taking off quite well.  I’ve gotten a lot of feedback, more good than bad, so that’s a sign, right?  Well, I’m going to let some (maybe) good news escape here - I was limiting my podcasts to 15 minutes for several reasons, but I’ve had an overwhelming response and many have asked if I can address x issue, but to do so would increase my weekly record time, so I’m removing that limit.  I’ll address everything sent to me up to the point I record.  Woohoo?

Until next time dear readers...

If You’re Happy and you Know It

They say being happy is a state of mind.  I agree.  I am right, now, probably happier than I have ever been.  That’s not to say everything is going the way I want it to, or that everything is sunshine and roses.  Everything isn’t. There are still things I’m working on, still projects to complete, still stuff to be done.  With all that is pending, I’m still happy.  I’m happy with the progress in my life at this point.  Everything is looking up.

I’ve read that everyone needs to take responsibility for everything in their life.  That doesn’t mean you have to accept blame for everything because that isn’t healthy.  What that means is that you need to accept the responsibility for how you react to everything in your life.  It falls in line with that taking lemons and making lemonade bit.

Bobby McFerrin was an genius.  His song, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" is a philosophical high point in our existence.  Seriously.  Things aren't always going to be great, but that doesn't mean you have to just sit down and wallow in your sorrow.  That was an unintentional rhyme, so I hope that made you smile a little bit.

About smiling.  Do it.  Fake it till you make it works in some cases.  Your smile is infectious.  There is a certain lady in my life, that whenever she smiles, I can't help but feel really, really good.  Every. Single. Time.  Smiling leads to laughing, laughing leads to forgetting about the problems currently surrounding you, and ultimately leads to you being happy.  Be the one that makes everyone happy, no one likes Debbie Downer.

I'm making this entry fairly short because I am about to start filming for a new web series that I'm working on, more on that later, but please guys, be the light that others like to turn to.  Simple.

Until next time, dear readers...

Life is a Puzzle

At least I didn’t say it was like a box of chocolates.  Seriously though, life is exactly like a puzzle.  Sometimes we think we see the image and we try to make the pieces fit that we think should complete the image, but they just will not fit.  Now, on the reverse side of that, sometimes you find, just by trying, by accident, that a piece fits.  Then the next piece then also, just fits. After a while, you stop trying to make the image what you think it should be, and allow it to become what it is supposed to be.

Too deep? Ok, well, to sum all that up is easy.  When you stop trying to make things happen, things fall into place.  To use another cliche, sometimes things have to fall apart to come together.  I have given a lot of thought into my life lessons, and really, every post on this blog.  I have a lot of readers, who have amazing hearts.  I haven’t updated in a while, because, well, it’s been a combination of things.

I’ve been busy.  Now, this doesn’t mean that I have been avoiding updating and that’s my excuse, it means I’ve genuinely been busy.  I’ve been spending my visitation time with my girls on a series of adventures.  I usually update you while we are staying at Beaver’s Bend, but this year, I forgot my laptop.  There will be pictures soon, some are already on my Facebook page, some soon to be on my Instagram. There, as always, are those who ask me how my personal life is doing, and I generally like to avoid that topic.  Something has changed that though...

Through a combination of luck and timing, I did meet someone.  When I say that, the statement carries a certain gravitas, I suppose.  I’m not the type to just put out information at random, well, not personal information, well, not this personal.  I was looking for someone, that much you know.

We started by just simply talking, or texting mostly.  In the process of getting to know each other, we discovered we had both had similar life experiences. Further on, we discovered that we had a very similar sense of humor, which is saying something, but honestly, that’s been difficult.  She is extremely intelligent, and gets my weird pop culture references.  Well, she might not get all of them, but I’m pretty sure that no one gets some of them.  Not even me.  Moving on.  We slowly (or not so slowly depending on who you talk to) realized that we really enjoyed each other’s company and conversation. We are both very happy, and I don’t see that changing anytime.

I figured I wouldn’t make this entry just a big love letter to Cassie.  I'm a happy man now, beyond what I ever expected, and all of a sudden all of those dopey love songs make sense.  I's a very, very good feeling.

Until next time, dear readers...

The Big D

Without any further ado, let's just jump right into today's topic.

PREFACE This post actually took an emotional toll on me that I wasn't expecting, so please take into mind that I'm pouring out a serving of my soul before you email or post anything too hurtful.  I am putting myself out there more than I'm actually comfortable with on this one, ladies and gentlemen.

The Divorce
First off I want to say my relationship with my ex-wife wasn't all for not.  I have three beautiful daughters as a result, and I would endure the troubles and pain a thousand times over for them.  The question I get asked the most about my divorce is “What happened?”  Well, a lot did. People also like to place blame. There was enough blame to go around in our case. She was never the loving, caring partner I wanted and needed her to be. I had internal (and external) struggles that were, admittedly, my own fault. There was no support to speak of at home. Eventually she just had enough. I get it. This isn't to say she didn't have faults, they were, as mine, many.  While married, I overlooked everything because she was, after all, my wife and the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.  The thing that hurt me more than anything though was the way things went at the end of our time together. Through all the denials and lies, infidelity did happen. We all know how I feel about that. What makes it worse is that in a small town, news travels fast. My girls have to deal with the comments and cruelty of children (and some adults).

Things should have been handled differently for sure.
I make mistakes, and I will continue to, but not as many and not the same ones again.


Meeting New People\Dating
Since the divorce, I've had a few relationships. I've talked to a lot of ladies.  I was given some advice, "If she's not talking to you, she's talking to someone else."  Horrible advice.  If she is that fickle, good, talk to someone else, it's her loss, obviously not mine. As I said, I've had a several girlfriends, nothing solid.  In a couple of cases, I was really the only one in the relationship, and after years of that, I just don't want anything like that anymore.  In the end, was it my fault the relationship didn't work out?  I don't know.  Maybe that's a good enough reason to stay single.

Were there mutual breakups? Sure. What that usually means though, is that one person wants out and the other is the bigger person and lets them pursue their interests in someone else whom they think will make them happy\happier (but eventually it fails) because they care more about that other person than they do themselves. You can see who lost more in that situation and they will never even know.

The Future
If I had my way, sure there would be a Mrs. Riggs in the future, but I just can't see that happening at the moment.  I'm not completely discounting the idea, but I want to be with someone who will put her phone away when I'm with her.  In today's society, that's a sure sign she digs you.  You know, someone that you think about when you go to sleep, and is on your mind when you wake up.  Spending time with that person feels like a privilege that you can't live without.  I'm not going to get into any more feelings, I'm drained.

The Moral
To quote poets Bill S. Preston, Esq. and 'Ted' Theodore Logan, Be excellent to each other.  Seriously. Treat every person with the kindness that they do (or even don't) deserve.

Like High School, Just Not As Awkward

I'm referring to my weight, actually.  I'm still as socially awkward as I was in high school.  I'm at 187 lbs. When I was 16, I weighed 185.  So, my drivers license is pretty accurate right now.  I've been going at this life change for a solid 2 months and my results have been phenomenal.

I had to join a gym.  As you know I didn't want to, and I have just about all the equipment I need in my back yard.  Weather happens.  It got too cold to exercise outside, so I didn't want to get pneumonia, so I joined Planet Fitness since it was the cheapest route. My first time there was the other night around 11 PM.  It seemed like I was a little intimidating for a couple of guys there, so I've got to try not to be, I don't want people to dislike seeing me.  I guess long sleeves may be in the future.

On to other talk.  I've had some interesting dates lately.  One of which, I don't think I said a word, she did all the talking.  I guess I was more of a sound board for her ideas, complaints and bragging.  There has not been a second date scheduled.  Don't get me wrong, she was a nice lady, but occasionally I like to say a word or two.  Occasionally.  Some of the others have been disappointing, for various reasons.  I believe I am giving up.  Not completely, I'm just not actively looking now.  I'm actually not as bummed about that as I thought I would be.  Between, work, my girls, and the gym, I really don't have a lot of free time, and I don't see that really changing much in the near future.

Not bad, huh?

Revelations

So several things dawned on me (with the help of some of your emails).  There is probably a lot about me that the vast majority of my readers don't know about me.  I'll answer a lot of the questions posed to me, today.

Age: 35
Favorite Song: Ice, Ice, Baby by Vanilla Ice (Shut up)
Favorite Color: Green. White is a close second.
Do you drive? If so, what? Absolutely, everyday.  I drive a 2003 Yellow Hummer H2 (6.0L). Love it.
What was your first car? 1964 Pink (Samoan Coral) Ford Thunderbird Landau Edition (The decked out model) 390ci V8 with Cruise-o-matic transmission. Awesome Car.
Random fact about me:  I'm the seventh great-grandson of Daniel Boone

I'll answer more in the next entry.  I'm not exactly sure why my blog's audience has grown (significantly), but I promise to address as many questions (that are appropriate) each entry as I can.  So, keep them coming.

Something I wanted to talk about this entry is love.  Define Love. Exactly.  Love can be the source of great pleasure or great pain (and in a lot of cases both at the same time).  I've been a few relationships since my divorce and one way or another they haven't worked out.  I mean we still are friends and still talk (in most cases), but it just wasn't meant to be.  My problem is easy.  I fall in like\love with the idea of the person rather than the person.  That's dangerous.  I have a mental image of the person that over time gets fewer an fewer flaws, so I essentially create a perfect partner for myself.  The problem is that's not the person.  It's my imagination.  I believe that there is a person out there for me, but I've all but given up looking.  All things in time.  The problem (If you want to call it that) is I'm terribly optimistic when dating.  That's just who I am, I really can't help that, but I can help whom I date.  Long story short, I'm an old romantic at heart, but in a culture where one night stands are socially acceptable, it's tough to find a kindred spirit.

Sorry about getting all serious there.  I'll have the girls for Halloween this year and they all have their costumes.  They are waiting on me to get mine.  My Batman costume is way too big on me now (dropping 30+ pounds will do that), so I'm at a loss.  I found a Lego Batman costume that was awesome, but it was only in children's sizes.  I also thought about just getting one of those huge masks and just calling it, but I'm afraid of all the diseases and lice that are probably haunting each one, seeing as that everyone seems to want to where them as they go through the store.  Ew.  The search continues...

I'm keeping this one short(ish) because the last four I wrote were pretty lengthy.  I look forward to your emails!

Until next time dear readers...