A Word on Self Growth

 Dear readers,

I try to post the positive, but alas, not everything is sunshine and roses.  Riggs Leatherworks is starting to take off which makes me happy  Unfortunately, there are people in this world who just can't have a positive spin on the things they do.

As my father and I were making our way back from DFW, my mom called and said the place where our storage units where (he has one, I have one) said my locker had been broken into.  This isn't new, this happens on a regular basis, however, this time they were right.

Starting from the back of my approximately 8x20ft unit, they started at the back and ransacked everything possible. All this on a day special to our family (It was my grandfather's birthday).  Police were called, reports were made, but it looks like the perpetrators fife't have enough sense to cover some of their tracks, so we might have a good lead soon.

Now, I also had gotten food poisoning that day unbeknownst to be.  That has mostly finished wrecking my body at least. 

There are a lot of negatives, but I must be growing, because, while I am upset, I know that I'll get through it, and that whoever decided to play around in my storage isn't important.  Things aren't important, people are.

Like I said, I must be growing emotionally even at my oldish age.

Me as a Benedictine Monk

Look for more positives coming, I'm about 12,000 words into the book about Bushido, and I'm up to my neck in work for clients.  I've been busy, and at times it's a bit overwhelming, but I got this.

Until next time, dear readers...

P.S. - I know quite a few of you read the first chapter of my book, would anyone be interested in an audio version? Let me know!

JAMES Talk

As I have mentioned on social media, I planned on filming my own TED talk type show called the JAMES talk.  Well, I had to do an audio only version of the first talk, and I am working on possibly downing the videos, but currently, my setup isn't allowing me that kind of production value.

The first JAMES Talk is about Healing. I don't claim to hold the secret to how to heal, or heal faster (which sounds nice, but might not be best in the long run), but I do hold some tips that help.  Click Below for the first James Talk!

CLICK HERE - JAMES Talk (Healing)

Until next time dear readers...

Are we at this level?

Just be kind.

Is that hard? Apparently.  Be kind, be understanding, and be patient.  We live in a "my feelings are more important than yours" kind of closed minded world.  Combine that with the need for immediate gratification and it's a dangerous combination.

I'm not going to get in a great debate about what is or isn't the best course of action for us as a society, but I'll say this - we have to change.

Those who are doing wrong, must be punished, those who aren't, shouldn't be berated because of the color of there skin, no matter what it happens to be.  Recent events have brought to the forefront our (nation's) past.  It's not a pretty one.  I mean, there have been people all along our history who condone (or don't put forth the effort to stop) things that are unimaginably wrong.

Slavery in the past has not been limited to any race, sex or religion.  There have been near genocides of people based (usually) on their social class, not race.  Our ancestors are not us, would you have your child punished for a crime you committed? No. (If you said yes, well, I don't know what to say to you).

If my ancestors had any part in anything that crossed the lines of racism, sexism, ageism, antireligionism, or anything at all that discriminated against someone, I apologize on their behalf, they were obviously ignorant and maybe society had too much influence on them to make a stand.  I also apologize directly to any victims of discrimination, it is not right, and I hope that we find a way as a society to not continue this practice.

Notice I apologized FOR my ancestors and TO any victims, I haven't apologized for myself.  That's because I am not responsible for discrimination of that type.  I will say that if I personally know you, I may discriminate when I'm choosing someone say, to have lunch with.  I may discriminate against someone because they will talk too much, or maybe they won't talk at all.  Discrimination in itself isn't wrong, it literally means to discern between one thing and another.  If we didn't have some form of discrimination in our life, we might have a life full of half-thought choices, that may not be ideal.

Again, just be kind, follow Wheaton's Law, and remember, if we as a society don't change, and keep attacking ourselves, then what's the point? It's like a dog chasing it's tail if we all don't understand.  Humans are humans, apparently inherently ignorant, but still, all human.  Treat everyone that way.

Until next time, dear readers...

Day by Day

A lot of you know that I'm currently in a medical position that working isn't possible.  The alternative for now is to stay at home, and either read, clean house or watch TV.  I admit, I do a lot of the latter.

I've got a lot on my plate, but everything takes time. With all this "free" time, I've did a lot of reflecting.  Reflection is good, but it's really what you do with what you learn from said reflection.  There are a lot of things in my life I need to work on, some I can do on my own, some I can't.  For instance, I can really get back to writing on my own, but as for my medical issues, I have to rely on professionals for that.  That being said, it takes the correct professionals, as I have found that some of the ones where I live should go back to school. For my GI\hernia issues, there is a particular surgeon I've seen who I'm now convinced should not be allowed to do anything regarding GI and hernia issues, as I now have worse problems than when I began seeing that doctor.  I won't mention names, obviously, but I have filed formal complaints to the hospital and state agencies. 

Enough of my complaining, what I really want to talk about is the parts I can work on by myself.  As I mentioned, writing is one of the key areas I'd like to get back to focusing on, so little by little, I force myself to sit down, open up my book in progress and write.  A little more each day goes a long way to the end product.  That made me think (the philosophical part of me kicks in), if I make a little progress each day (on anything, not just my writing), then I can see the change, but others can not.  Sometimes we make a lot of progress (any progress is great), but if we depend or rely on the opinion of others for validation of that progress, we will be let down 99% of the time, and that in turn will cause us not to progress any more.

Right now, there is a lot of negativity in my life that I'm having to deal with.  Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of positivity as well, it's just that the negativity level is too far up the meter.  I do my best to deal with it, in my own way.  I can not rely on others to tell me I'm doing well handling it, because everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has their own view on how things should be handled.  Guess what?  I've got this.  I can and will deal with everything, but just as progress on my book, the progress on dealing with the negative people and things in my life is slow as well.  If you remember the inventory process that I've mentioned several times, there are people on this inventory list that I can not (or will not) cut out, no matter how negative and downright mean they are.  In the end, I love these people, and in their own way, I know they love me. 

To wrap this up, I would hope that your takeaways from this rant are that 1) Any progress is great, and 2) Don't look for others for validation.

As always, feel free to write me with your comments\questions\concerns and I will respond, as always.

Until next time, dear readers...

To Grow (Fall Forward)

It's never too late to grow.  It's never too late to admit your mistakes.  There is an amazing speech by Denzel Washington, in which he says it's ok to mess up, it's ok to fall, but fall forward.  Learn from your mistakes, learn from them and make better decisions and choices.  We all are imperfect, and we will mess up, we will falter, but we should take those moments as opportunities to better ourself or others.

In my life, I've made many mistakes, some big, some little.  Always, on the stumbling blocks I had dwelled too much on them.  It takes practice, but even the worst negative can turn into the biggest positive in your life.  I've had close friends and relatives depart from this world, and I harbored many regrets, most commonly that I never let those people know what they meant to me.  Sure, they might have known, but I would have preferred that I made it absolutely clear how much they meant to me.  The solution? Simple actually, while you have those you love, tell them exactly how much they mean to you, don't let them ever wonder how you feel.  Sounds a bit mushy maybe, but it's not always like that.  You can tell a coworker\friend that you respect their work ethic, or their dedication.

Now, I said it was simple, but if you are like me and a confirmed longtime introvert, it may take some practice, but the benefits are well worth going out on a limb with your feelings.  You both benefit from the act.

I guess this post is mainly an affirmation of some changes I'm actively making in my life.  To all of you, my readers, I do appreciate all of you, even those who message me to let me know that they liked my post, but in paragraph 3, section 5, I used "to" instead of "too."  You all play a big part in my life, and I am grateful for each of you.

There is a project I'm working on that I'm documenting, and I'll share in a later post, but I think a lot of you will be able to relate\appreciate it.

Until next time, dear readers...

Everybody’s Working For The Weekend

Yeah, I borrowed a lyric from a song for the title, big whoop.  It’s actually relevant to my blog post, so I did it, sorry - not sorry.

Let’s dig right in.  The “ideal” workweek for Americans (and all of us Earthlings probably) is Monday through Friday 8 or 9 AM to 5 PM.  I know that’s not what the majority works (and the world couldn’t function if we all did), but the idea I’m trying to convey is that everyone wants a break.  They want some time to relax, work on a home project, or spend time with loved ones, more time than the 5PM - Bedtime schedule that the weekday provides.

::Enter Weekend, Stage Left::

The weekend, it seems to be the answer to all of life’s problems.

::Exit Weekend, Stage Right::

The weekend is never long enough.  Vacations are amazing, and they too, never seem long enough.  Actually sometimes too much of the wrong vacation seems like more than long enough, too long in fact.  That however, is a different story completely.  We spend so much time getting ready to relax or preparing for a break that the “normal” days go so fast because we are in a kind of autopilot.

Those who are friends with me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram know that a few weeks ago I had a cardiac scare.  My chest was hurting, I was’t as responsive as I should have been... It was just an awful experience and ended up getting a clean bill of health for my heart, but my GI system is being suspected of causing the heart attack like symptoms.  That makes more sense because I had GI issues as a teenager, and I really figured if I was going to have a heart attack it would have been at the gym, either doing squats or on the treadmill.

It made me realize that each day is special.  Every single day we are given, we can never get back, so it's best to make the most of each one.  Tell those you love that you love them, don't assume they know, it means a lot to someone to get validation or confirmation that you relationship is solid.

This is the point in my blog where I tell you if you want to make a life change, do it.  Don't wait, you might not get the opportunity to do it again.  Take the trip, kiss your love, embrace your children.  It's been said many times, but this hold true - your biggest regret will be not doing it.  Our most precious resource is time, and we each have a limited amount.

I'm not just talking to you, my lovely readers, but to myself as well.  I have some (potentially) life changing things in my future, and I'm ready.  Will I be scared? Probably, better pack more underwear.  Will I do my best?  Yes, and better.  If you have anything you've been wanting to start, whether it be getting in shape, changing careers or asking that special someone to be yours, do it.

Now, for those interested, I will be preaching this very message (slightly edited) to Cassie when we go on a plane or boat (she likes neither), or when I'm trying to talk her into riding a scary roller coaster.  There will probably be video if that happens.

As I draw to a close on this post, I wanted to thank you, dear reader.  I have a lot of readers, and a lot of questions sent to me, and you can keep them coming.  I personally answer each question, and sometimes I post them here in case a lot of people ask the same question.  I started writing this blog years ago as kind of a therapy, writing is very cathartic for me. Between this blog, my book of short stories, my biography, and my neglected personal journal I do write a lot.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have been a part of that therapy and I thank you.

Until next time, dear readers...

Moving On

Well, the time has come.  I have to do something I don’t really want to do, but should do.  Layla is going to be sold.  For those of you who don’t remember, Layla is my Hummer.  My 2003 Yellow H2.  My beastie.  

While, yes, I am a little broke up over having to get rid of her, it’s not so much that event that’s changing to much in my life.  I’m starting my life with a woman who loves and car3es for me, and I do the same in return to her, I’ve moved houses, changed schedules, changed diet, there is just a lot going on. I’m muddling through right now, but I will get on top of things pretty quickly, at least, that’s th hope.

One thing I wanted to move forward with and have been working on forever is the “Regular Dad” series.  The idea started years ago, and I’ve made a few trailers, and wrote a few scripts, but I haven’t actually produced an episode, but that is going to be rectified soon.  

I do have a lot of projects coming at me, and it is hard to handle.  Plus, it’s not just projects, it’s problems.  Mine, others, doesn’t matter, I help as much as I can and try to fix things, and I realize that not everything can be fixed.  The other day I saw a post that said (basically) don’t be too busy filling others cups that you run out from your own.  In the past I was made to feel guilty for doing something for myself.  I was made to feel selfish and greedy for trying to help myself, trying to bring up my spirits.

For those of you following my body transformation progress, know that July was officially bulk month.  At least, that’s what I’m calling it.  I got really busy with work, family and moving that I paid little attention to meal planning, but that has changed.  August shall be the month of gains!!!

Until next time, dear reader...

Unconditional

So, some people will take this post as a post on religion, but it's not.  It is however, a look on unconditional love, and I will use examples of teachings that have been around for millennia.  I have re-written this several times because, honestly I was afraid of offending anyone, but in reality, we should be able to listen to someone’s point (or counterpoint) without taking it as a personal attack.  No one is going to think exactly as you do on every subject imaginable, so you might as well just respect their opinion and realize just because someone believes one thing, it does not in any way represent a personal attack on you.  If I talk about something that makes you feel guilty, then, that is your own conscience telling you something. Listen to it.

Unconditional love, by definition is that, love without conditions.  No stipulations, no borders, no limits.  Jesus spent time with sinners as well as saints.  I use Jesus because no matter what your personal beliefs, He can be used as an example of how to live, but more importantly how to love.

He did not love those or interact with those who could only better His position, to the contrary, He was often looked down upon because of the company He kept.  I mean, one of His most trusted apostles was, before the fact, a murderer and persecutor of Christians.  He knew that people can change, and that no one has the right to judge anyone, other than their own self and their higher authority, whatever your belief may or may not be. 

The problem with modern religion is that it is in fact, not modern, at least for the most part.  Unconditional love should be the basis for all religions.  Acceptance is a lesson in humility and humanity.  Judging someone for their past actions or appearance is not something that is taught in most religions, but it is practiced routinely.  Take tattoos as a prime example.  They are mentioned a lot in the Bible, and only once has a negative connotation, and that's when you scar your body for unholy ceremonies for the dead.  Honestly, do you really think that no one had tattoos back then?  Given, it was more of a female thing, but it was very prominent and Isaiah had believers tattoo themselves as belonging to God.  Just saying, any arguments against tattoos are invalid and those arguing the counterpoint should read their texts a little closer and not pick and choose what to take from it.

Yes, I have tattoos, and yes, I plan on getting more, and no, I do not feel guilty for doing so.  The point of this post is truly that not everyone is alike, not 100%, there will always be things that you don’t agree upon, but that doesn’t mean it is an attack on you or your character.  Some people like mustard, if you don’t it doesn’t mean that they don’t like you, but hopefully it means they won’t put mustard on your hamburger at the next cookout.

We are all different.  We are all unique.  We all deserve a little kindness and respect, so be sure to realize that others deserve that too and give them those things, without expectations.  Unconditional humanity, if you will.  I know I’m not going to change the world with one simple blog post, but we as a species are capable of so much more than what we are currently.  Focusing on hate or anger is the most counterproductive thing we can do as sentient beings.  Now, I’m sure I’ll get some “hate” mail from this post, but if you are contemplating sending that argumentative email to me, please re-read this post, I haven’t attacked anyone (even if they like mustard), I’ve expressed my view point which you can take or leave, I am by no means telling you that you have to agree with me.  Part of being human is the disagreements, but it’s moreso about the conversations about those disagreements. Super simplified - Make love, not war.  

Until next time, dear readers...

Reflecting

I have spent a lot of time reflecting lately.  You’ve probably noticed I haven’t posted in a while.  I have my reasons, but I do apologize for the short break.  There is so very much going on in my life at the moment, and it’s actually been difficult for me to sit down and write out anything.  I did however start working on a specific chapter of my book, which deals with AD, after divorce.  During my brain storming and mind mapping of the chapter, I realized that although I thought I had forgiven my ex-wife for the things she did, both during and after our divorce, I really had not forgiven anything.  Let me give you an example.  During our separation, she did everything to block me from getting into our home to get my things.  Even after a judge ordered her to let me in, she still did not.  In this process I lost more than $15,000 of personal property that was legally and morally mine.  I came to terms that I wouldn’t get my things, and in a sense I guess I thought that was my way of forgiving, but it was a facade.

I am still angry with her for, in my opinion, not doing the right thing and letting me have my property, but I have to accept that that is the way she is, and always was.  I have forgiven her at this point.  I am still a bit bitter about a lot of things that happened, but dwelling on them, and the past is only making my present and future depressing.  That means that I no longer expect her to act any way other than she always has.  I forgive her for blaming everyone but herself for any problems.  I understand that she can’t mentally handle being the bad guy.

Now, I’m not saying any of this to put her name in the mud, no, this story isn’t about her, it’s about me and it’s about you.  I know my situation with my ex-wife isn’t the worst one that someone could be in, but for my it was bad, and for me to finally figure out after 4 years that it isn’t about her, it’s about me.  Putting the past in the past isn’t easy sometimes, but for you to have a healthy, bright future, it is necessary. If I can do it, trust me you can too.

When they say forgiving someone is a gift, not for them, but for you, they are absolutely correct.

Until next time, dear readers...

The Pause...

“Practice the pause” is a common thing to hear when someone is trying to warn someone from saying or doing something that might have a long lasting negative impact on someone or something.  It’s easy to derive from the phrase what it means, but I’ve seen so many situations escalate out of control because they didn’t think before they spoke or acted, and it can have long lasting, maybe permanent negative effects.  I have been thinking of how I can make it easier for me to show my own children how important that pause really is, so I’ve tried to come up with a checklist of sorts to help.

Before you speak or act in anger, ask yourself - is what you are about to say or do going to:

• Hurt someone’s feelings?
• Hurt someone physically? (providing this is not self defense)\
• Attack or blame someone else not present (or even involved)?
• Directly mislead someone so that you appear to not be at fault?

If you said yes to any of these, then, change your behavior, or at least remain silent.  I’ve seen long time friends stop talking to each other over a stupid comment made in anger that could have been avoided as it was unnecessary. I know this isn’t an easy thing to change, and it takes a lot of work over time.  You have to consciously check yourself in almost every situation you encounter throughout the day.

Hey, nobody’s perfect, and honestly sometimes our flaws are what make us better.  Just be you, and do no harm.

Until next time, dear readers...

Everyday Problems

So,  I’ve had a lot of people congratulating me on my fitness progress.  I have personally thanked each person, and I am proud of my outward transformation.  Losing 50+ pounds is an amazing feet for anyone, so I am not selling myself short, rest assured.  Now, the everyday problems I face aren’t so much outward as inward.

This might be a shocker to some, but I have mentioned this previously, I am bipolar, type 2. What does that mean? It means I have mood swings more than the normal person does (because even normal people have mood swings, don’t lie to yourself), and I end up depressed more than happy (or manic\hypomanic).  As a result, I try to keep all my feelings bottled up and inside.  I try to focus on the task at hand so I’m not worried about the million other things going on in my mind.  Like what things? Everyday things.  Do I have enough money for bills, groceries, and gas? Can I buy this thing I think I need and still be ok at the end of the month? How long can I drive with the needle on E?  Simple everyday stuff like that is what I dwell on and end up assuming the worst.  

How do I deal with it?  Well, medication sometimes helps (not at the moment), but otherwise I do like I said, get super focused on a task at hand.  As a result, when you see me at the gym, I have a very determined look on my face.  I didn’t get the nickname “The Machine” for nothing.  The down side to this is that when I’m in that mode, let’s use the gym as an example, it makes me very intimidating and unapproachable.  I don’t mean to come off that way, but I do see that when I’m in that mode, I can absolutely appear that way.  I can’t tell you how many messages I get from people I saw at the gym and they said they wanted to talk to me to say hi or whatever but it looked like I would have pulled them apart or screamed at them or something.  Let me assure you that I won’t do either.  If you want to talk to me, go for it, I’ll take my headphones off and take time for human contact.  You’ve got a green light, so go for it.

I always get a little kick out of when I hear about a wealthy person so started off with nothing talk about how their everyday money problems slowly went away and the problem was "what do I spend my money on?" instead.  That would be an awesome problem to have, just saying, but until then I think I can deal with the everyday problems, and I will, everyday.

Until next time, dear readers...

Tattoos and Taboos

Tattoos, do I have any? Oh yes, I do.  Am I going to get more? Absolutely.

Tattooing has been around for almost ever.  There are plenty of opinions on the subject, and it makes it hard to distinguish some facts.  First of all, people from all walks of life have tattoos, there isn’t anything inherently evil or wrong about getting a tattoo, however, that is also dependent of the tattoo you are getting.

There has been (and probably will be for some time) a debate amongst Christians on whether or not it is a sin to get a tattoo.  For the side that thinks it is a sin, they will usually quote Leviticus 19:28 - "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourself".  Those that use this verse as their proof that it is wrong are actually misinformed or are taking it out of context.  

Our modern concept of tattooing isn’t actually addressed in the Bible, as it wasn’t really in practice at that time.  That verse is actually referring to a practice that was in use at that time, cutting, marking or gashing your own body for ritualistic purposes, used frequently while mourning the dead.  Instead of being called tattooing, it should really be called scarring or scarification, which is completely different that our modern definition of tattooing.

That being said, anything on your body that is sacrilegious would be a sin by all accounts, so basically, you have to use common sense to figure out if the tattoo you are getting is in direct defiance of your religious beliefs, so it should be a pretty cut and dry matter.  Often the simplest explanation is the best.

Back to my tattoos, well, I have a Batman Logo on my right shoulder, a Nightwing Logo on my left shoulder, a semi colon on my right inner wrist and a tear away revealing machinery on my right leg\calf.  Each one I have has a special meaning to me, even if it is silly, and not one of them violates any of my religious beliefs\morals.  As I said, I plan on getting more, but haven’t set in stone (or flesh) for sure what they are.  I want to get another tear away revealing machinery on my forearm, but I haven’t decided which yet.  I also want a lion on my chest (Leo’s gotta represent, right?).

Here are some good examples: 

I also have a very special tattoo planned that I am getting next, and it will be a matching tattoo that Cassie and I are both getting.  By far it will be my most emotional and meaningful tattoo.  Now, I hear an all too familiar comment very often, and it’s something like “You going to regret getting a tattoo when you are old and saggy.”  First off, the tattoos I’ve gotten so far and the ones for the future are not in locations that will actually “sag” that much, if at all, so that’s not a worry in my mind.  Now, about the old part?  I doubt that when I get old my biggest regret is going to be that Batman Has been on my shoulder all that time.  I also think of this couple when I hear the “old” argument come up:

I see no problems with tattoos as long as you stay true to who you are when you decide what the artist will do when they put the needle to your skin.

Your thoughts?

Look for a special podcast episode coming up soon, the first (of many hopefully) with an incredibly special guest.

Until next time, dear readers...

A Lesson About Selfies

So, I take selfies.  Gym selfies specifically.  Over the past few years, some of my friends have given me a hard time about it, joking that I was being narcissistic.  I’m not, I swear.  Whether I post the selfies or not doesn’t really matter, I take them (but often post them).  It’s not about bragging about my progress, it’s not about wanting compliments, it’s nothing like that at all.

What is it about then? Motivation.  I take progress pictures of my body transformation on a regular basis.  I take body measurements, I compare only to myself, because I am only in competition with myself.  Do I have the biggest arms? The flattest stomach? An eight pack? Pecs that would make The Rock jealous? Of course not, nor do I expect to.  I have every expectation that I am making progress, and the best proof of that is photographic evidence of my journey.

My goal is to improve my physique and health by eating right, working out regularly and eliminating the unnecessary. I’m lucky enough to have two ladies in my life that will gladly go to the gym with me, and they have no idea how much that means to me.  I’ve mentioned it in a post before, but working out with a partner makes you more likely to push for that extra rep, or try that extra 10 pounds on the deadlift.

Every so often, my oldest daughter, Victoria, and I  will do a max out day.  It’s exactly what it sounds like.  We take turns pushing ourselves on all of our normal exercises.  She has impressed me quite a bit with her abilities, but she does something extremely well that I have some problems with.  Knowing her limitations. I push myself, and don’t get me wrong, she pushes herself too, but she knows when she has reached her max.  So, in contrast, I have a good feeling when I’ve hit my max, but I still try just a little more.  Now, you might be thinking this is a good thing, and to a certain degree it is, but it can also welcome injuries.  I know my body well enough to know when I need to stop, but having the ability to tell myself “Don’t try that” is hard sometimes.

My fiancé and I will go workout together as well, and I can’t express enough how much she impresses me.  She has got the drive that most people only dream about.  When she starts a set, she finishes, or goes out trying.  She pushes herself to the point of exhaustion and it’s something that took me a while to get the hang of.  A lot of people won’t attempt that last rep of a set when it hurts.  They think, “oh that’s close enough” but in reality, you may make more gains from that last rep than the ones preceeding it.  She is aware that it will hurt.  She openly acknowledges it as a matter of fact.  She knows it will hurt, but she knows she will benefit from the pain, so, she presses on.  Absolutely amazing.

Now, back to the issue of selfies.  As I said, I get a lot of ribbing over my gym selfies, and I take it in stride.  I often play along with it, and here are a few examples of conversations that should show you that I don’t take myself all that seriously.

Friend: When taking my gym selfies, which hand should I use to take the picture?

Me: You right handed or left handed?

Friend:  What do I need to be thinking about to get that awesome expressionless look you have in your pics?

Me:  I pretend that I’m being attacked by a monster that can sense emotions, so I stop them.  All of them.

Friend:  What if someone else is around you or the mirror when you are ready to take your selfie?

Me:  Hand them your phone and tell them to take your picture.

Friend:  Geez, you sure like to look at yourself.

Me: Not really, but apparently you do, you’ve liked every selfie I’ve ever posted.

Friend:  Yes. Shut up.

So, as you can see, it’s silly stuff, but I welcome any and all comments, after all, I might need to be knocked down a few notches, you know, to #stayhumble.

Until next time, dear readers...

All Apologies

So, a lot of things have transpired since my last post.  I’ve made people mad, and I’ve made people happy, and I’ve came to the same conclusion that many people already have.  You can’t please everyone, and if you do, you are lying to them or to yourself.

I’ve never in my life set out to hurt anyone.  I’m not that type of person.  I have however, ended up hurting some people, and I will be eternally sorry for that.

In the end, you have to do what you feel is right in your heart.  You may make people mad when you do something that is right for you, and although that is horrible, again, you have to do what you feel is right for you,

So, you might notice the new website address.   I’ve been changing a few things, and this is one of them, the site is now mytypographything.com, since it has expanded beyond just a normal blog.

To those I’ve hurt, please know that it was never my intention, and that I do care for you deeply.  To those who are in my life, making me happy, thank you.  I haven’t really been this happy for some time, and it’s an amazing feeling.


Until next time, dear readers...

(Another) Word on Divorce

So, I still get a lot of questions about my divorce and how I’ve coped with it. Here’s what I’ll say, everything else (well, this too) is in my book, be looking for that.

My divorce.  It changed my life, in all sorts of ways, and really to this day affects me.  With no details being given, let’s just say I had a reason to mistrust, and there is little else on this earth that hurts like having to say goodbye to someone who is still living, especially when you have so much you’d like to say, but you know it would fall on deaf ears.

The night I was essentially kicked out of my own home was horrible, I still occasionally have nightmares that relive that evening.  I literally lost (almost) everything, with just four words, “I want a divorce.”  Of course, there were some problems, but the ones she was bringing up were things that had been resolved, so she was just looking for a reason, and I wasn’t ready to end things just yet, but that didn’t matter, she was done.  There was no, “Hey, I think we are having issues, let’s work on them,” there was just a “get out.”

It cuts incredibly deep, and has changed the way that I look at any new relationship.  I’ve been through several relationships, and there is always several factors that are different now.  First of all, I have three beautiful girls and their opinion means a great deal to me.  Being the sympathetic children they are, if they see that the person is making me happy, then they like them, if not, well, they let me know.  As I’m looking for a potential lifelong partner, their opinion is almost more important than mine in some regards.  I’ve had my parents weigh in on occasion, and again, I value their opinion, but what it all boils down to is trust.  Can I trust this person? There have been those I trusted, even after my divorce, which turned out to be a bad idea.  There has been a lot of emotions going through my head as I had tried to date.

Where am I at now?  Well, that’s my business, but let’s just say, finding the right person to trust and love isn’t easy, and when you do, it has the potential to be absolutely amazing.  I’m extremely careful whom I place my heart in care with.

A Word on Humility

Humility:  the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's ownimportance, rank, etc.

Ok, first off, humility is something everyone can achieve, so I want to squash that bug right now.  It takes a person to willing want to change their mindset from being a braggart to being quiet.

I try everyday to be a humble person, some say I am, others say I’m not, but although I do value other’s opinions, it’s not their opinion that means the most to me.  The opinions that matter moUIKeyInputDownArrowst are my own and those very close to me, but mainly my own.  If I can wake up, proud of who I am, then what the rest of the world thinks matters little.  I try my best to achieve humility, it’s a process that is continual and I will continue it for the rest of my life.

I’m at the gym, a lot.  There are a lot of people there who claim to be humble.  I hate to break it to you, but if say you are humble, or do acts of charity just to brag about them, then you are indeed not humble.  I joke around sometimes about how humble I am (usually quoting any of Muhamad Ali’s speeches), but that’s what it is, a joke.  I do not believe I am humble, I believe I am a work in progress, and will forever be so.  I hope to be so.  

Signs you aren’t humble:

1. You say this when someone tells you an accomplishment of theirs, “Oh yeah, well I did...”
2. You look for ways to help people where it will be noticed publicly.
3. When you think “This will make me look good” before you do something.
4. You are Muhamad Ali

Of course, this is a short list, but it’s the majority of the stuff I see.  It does upset me that people act this way, and it upsets me more that people fall for it. 

Until next time, dear readers...

A Simple Yes or No

In life, we as human beings tend to try to over complicate things.  We create problems where non exist.  On the other side of that coin, we also have a tendency to overlook problems, or ignoring issues all together.  We are a complicated species.

I’ve been guilty of both sides of this problem on multiple occasions, and will likely continue to do so to a certain degree.  I had written up my next blog post and it was more or less a rant piece on why people can’t see what’s glaring at them in the face sometimes.  Even with someone pointing it out,m it’s like they have blinders on in that regard.  It ended up getting more personal than I had intended, which made me realize, I was too close to the situation.  I really took a few steps back any analyzed  (over analyzed I’m sure), the situation  and that’s when it dawned on me.  Sometimes when people say they want your help, that’s not exactly what they mean.  They mean they want your support, even if you see the dangers of their actions, they just want you there to listen, to tell them it will be ok, even if that may be a lie.

There is a big difference between respecting someone’s choice and agreeing with it.  Sometimes we get so fixated on an end result, we ignore bothe the good things and bad things that happen along that journey.  I still respect my friends choices, and I won’t point out any red flags anymore,  I will acknowledge the good things that were a result of that person’s choices. Admittedly that puts me in a quiet position most of the time, but people will see what they want to see and are quick to place blame on those who point out someone else’s error.  People need to choose for themselves what they will and won’t accept in regards to how they are treated.

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn.  I grew up with a mindset that right is right and wrong is wrong. You don’t act a certain way, and you don’t allow yourself to be treated a certain way.  People grow up differently though, and what isn’t acceptable to one person is completely acceptable to another.  I’m not saying one person is right and the other wrong, I’m just saying their perspectives aren’t the same.  

Sometimes being honest means not being kind, or telling people things they already know, but don’t want to hear.  I’ve started implementing a very simplistic way of thinking.  It’s a yes or no system.  Does the person know what you are going to tell? Yes? No need to tell again, they don’t want to hear it. Will it harm the person to say it? Yes? Don’t say it.  Do they want your opinion? No? Just give them your support and be there to listen,  A lot of life’s big issues can actually be boiled down to a yes or no answer system.  Do you know it’s harmful? Then don’t do it. Do you have faith that it can be done? If yes, put you’re all into it.  Always remember though, if your all isn’t good enough for it, it’s not good enough for you.

Also, I want to bring up for the billionth time the word honesty. Just be honest, it saves time, heartache and so much more,  I respect someone who hurts my feelings by being honest so much more than someone who lies to try to not hurt them.

Until next time, dear readers...

Always in the Process of Improvement

API.

Always in the Process of Improvement

That’s the goal.  Whether is is physical improvement, mental improvement, life situation improvement, it doesn’t matter - just keep striving to improve.  The best advice I can give someone who is trying their hardest to reach an attainable goal is simply this. “Keep going, don’t stop.”  It’s simple, but even just the slightest encouragement can make a word of different to someone, as words of discouragement can do the opposite.

Now for a word on happiness.  Happiness comes from within.  Outside factors can have an effect on how hard you have to try to be happy, but ultimately, it is an internal decision, everyday.  I love to see others happy, that is one thing that brings me genuine joy, however, in my process of trying to make others happy, I’ve neglected most of the things about me that make myself happy.  I’ve been happy, but it was vicariously through someone else’s happiness.  Happiness has a tendency to rub off, and that’s a very good thing.  Now, when you solely depend on others happiness to be happy, you need to take a look at yourself.  It’s ok, things happen. Life often gets in the way of most things, but we have to work with it everyday.  

Recently I made the realization that while, yes, I am happy at the moment, it’s not my happiness, it’s others rubbing off.  I mean what I need to be or have to make me happy, and that is a work in progress.  I’ve tried some things (nothing illegal), to see if it was what I was missing, and I’m sad to say that it didn’t work.  My heart knows what it knows, and for once, my brain and heart are in perfect alignment, and I have to wait for that opportunity.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster, that’s for sure, but yeah, it is what it is, and while that may make others sad or even mad, it’s better to figure things out early on rather than farther down the road.

Take a deep look at your situation. Are you truly happy? If not, then change it, if so, then cultivate it.  It’s a simple formula.  In order to make yourself happy, you might make others unhappy or even mad, but that’s not on you, that’s on them. Remember that.

Until next time dear readers...

The Book and a Quick Note

So, I thought I would do just a post on my book since there have been a lot of inquiries.

The book is in progress, I do have a publisher lined up, and I will be giving out codes for free downloads (limited amount) when it does get published.

There, does that answer your questions? I’m kidding, I’ll keep going.

The most frequently asked question is what the book is about, and the short answer is me.  I’m not a narcissist, or anything like that.  At the core of the book, it is a self help book.  I spent a lot of time not only telling you about my life events, but also what I feel like I did wrong and how I could have avoided some things, so in turn, hopefully you will learn from my mistakes.  No, I don’t picture myself as this guru for motivational writing, I picture myself as a guy who is been through a lot and if I can help just one person, that would validate all the hours I spent on this book.

Next question.  How long have I been working on the book? Over a year.  I haven’t been able to just schedule a time each day\week to work on it, so it’s not coming exactly quickly, but trust me, it’s been quality of quantity.  There are long chapters.  There are short chapters.  There are powerful messages.  There are silly anecdotes.  From those I have let preview it, I have gotten many different responses.  There have been laughs, there have been tears and there have been proposals of marriage.  Ok, I made up that last one.

Back of the book description? I actually haven’t thought of that, but I’ll take a shot:

“From the author of myblogtypething.com comes an insightful outlook on life.  James Riggs has gathered together some of the best and worst times of his life and shared them with you, and he includes insights on said events.  He opens up his deepest emotional moments in his life and dissects them into moment by moment sections to explore what happened or what could have happened.”

When I do get closer to publishing, I will be sending out digital copies for quotes and reviews, so if you want in on that, please let me know.

All in all, the book is coming along well, just not quickly.

Thanks again for your continued interest!

Now, for the quick note.  I had an epiphany. Being happy is actually very simple. Well, the formula is, the practice might be a bit more difficult.  To be happy, you have to choose to be happy.  Sounds really simple, and it is, but choosing to be happy means more than just saying “Hey, I’m going to be happy today.”  Being happy means you might have to make a few small sacrifices.  Choose to be happy, not right.  A common argument is that I’m right, you’re wrong.  The subject matter is all over the place with arguments, but that is what it boils down to.  I’m right, you’re wrong and you can’t convince me otherwise.  Stop it.  If you are in a relationship with someone, and really love that person, you don’t have to be right, you have to be happy.  Let them win.  Don’t be rude about it or anything, just don’t argue, let them finish their monologue and them give them a hug.  Be happy.  You woke up, which is a blessing each day, you have a roof over your head, which a lot of people don’t, and you aren’t starving to death (literally, I mean near death from malnutrition).  Take a moment to reflect on all that you have, not what you don’t have.  We take for granted soooo many things in this life, but when we start living a life with gratitude and grace, a whole new outlook is available.  I’m not saying if you are in a bad relationship to just ignore it, if you are in a bad relationship, end it. Move on.  Be Happy. Don’t be ignorant of something that is harming you, cut out the unneeded negative.  Happiness and contentment are gifts, and they are gifts we give ourselves.  It’s not a selfish thing to give yourself credit for something you have accomplished and are proud of.  Today, as of this moment, I am happy.  There are so many things going right in my life that I am focusing on, that being happy is easy when I think about them.  I have bad things going on too, but when you focus on the negative, you become negative and the good things in your life may just disappear and never be available to you again. Be grateful.  Gratitude and Grace.  

Until next time dear readers...

Hard to Follow That One...

What's this? Another entry so soon? Sure, why not.  Thought I would answer some quick questions that I haven't addressed yet.

First of all, I have decided that my personal life is going to be private for a while.  I've made the mistake of throwing a bunch of stuff on social media and it just makes things harder.  Yes, I eventually will share, but for now, mum is the word.

Now, some of the questions.

When you meal prep (which I know takes hours), do you eat during that process?

Absolutely.  I "taste" everything.  I'm not going to lie, I cook pretty good, and when I start cooking, I can't help but eat.  The good thing is that it is mostly healthful, so no worries.

Do you have a regular gym schedule?

I do and don't.  I have a schedule, but I go to the gym when I can and when it's not full of people.  I like it when there are only a few people there, most of them know me by name, so It's a little more personal.  It's nice when I hear "Hey James!", "What's up Riggs?" or "Woohoo it's The Machine!"

Are you still training people?

Yes, but not a lot at the moment because my schedule isn't really allowing enough time for a lot of clients.  Look for a lot more #riggs shirts and posts very soon though.

When is your first video bog going to go live?

When it does. I really can't give you a time on that, as I'm still trying to figure out the flow of it.  I've got ideas, but I'm working on it.

Ok, so this was a quick entry, but I wanted to address those questions since I've gotten quite a few that are on those lines.  Keep your questions coming in!

Until next time dear readers...