Don’t be That Person

Never let someone else’s negative or misplaced attitude and actions discourage you from becoming the best person you can be. 

JAMES Talk

As I have mentioned on social media, I planned on filming my own TED talk type show called the JAMES talk.  Well, I had to do an audio only version of the first talk, and I am working on possibly downing the videos, but currently, my setup isn't allowing me that kind of production value.

The first JAMES Talk is about Healing. I don't claim to hold the secret to how to heal, or heal faster (which sounds nice, but might not be best in the long run), but I do hold some tips that help.  Click Below for the first James Talk!

CLICK HERE - JAMES Talk (Healing)

Until next time dear readers...

Meetings and Partings

In our life we will have many meetings and partings.  I have spoke about this before. Some partings are final, some are not. Meetings happen all the time. 

Something to think about is that you will have just as many partings as you do meetings, in one way or another. I know it’s morbid,  but eventually we will all have to say goodbye to everyone, so make the time you have with people count. 

Without going into detail out of respect for both parties, let just say I'm not in the same relationship I had been in. I'm not upset about my situation, in fact I have three wonderful ladies who keep me pretty busy as it is.   

I know people like a good story, but the long and the short of it is that sometimes people just are not compatible. It’s the lead a horse to water saying in practical application, going both ways, if that makes sense. I’ve learned a lot about myself, good and bad, but more than anything I discovered my self worth. 

Someone once told me to focus on myself and the right people will enter my life, well, that seems very true at this point. I do have a great support system and a back log of leather projects, so that helps a lot. I am at a point where the future is looking pretty good.  I do have some things to get past, and I do have to get back on my diet and exercise plan that I've neglected. And my writing! I now have so much to add, I might get it completed!

Sometimes things hurt.  Things hurt for a reason.  I have been told for some time from multiple sources, that people come into your life to be a lesson or a blessing, I believe this.  There isn't a positive or negative connotation added to this, it's just a fact. I have learned a lot and although there have been so many reasons for me never to try again, I am and I will, and I'm very happy with that part of my life right now.

Everyday is a struggle. Work (Leather business), depression, anxiety, children, people who want to butt into your business, the list goes on and on.  I'm dealing with it on a daily basis, and it wears me down, but when you have the right and true people in your life, it gets easier, and that's where I'm at, well, I'm at the beginning of that phase.

Thank you for a the birthday wishes yesterday, it made me feel incredibly loved!

There are more adventures ahead, we will just have to see what they are, but rest assured, things will not get dull.

Until next time dear readers...

Are we at this level?

Just be kind.

Is that hard? Apparently.  Be kind, be understanding, and be patient.  We live in a "my feelings are more important than yours" kind of closed minded world.  Combine that with the need for immediate gratification and it's a dangerous combination.

I'm not going to get in a great debate about what is or isn't the best course of action for us as a society, but I'll say this - we have to change.

Those who are doing wrong, must be punished, those who aren't, shouldn't be berated because of the color of there skin, no matter what it happens to be.  Recent events have brought to the forefront our (nation's) past.  It's not a pretty one.  I mean, there have been people all along our history who condone (or don't put forth the effort to stop) things that are unimaginably wrong.

Slavery in the past has not been limited to any race, sex or religion.  There have been near genocides of people based (usually) on their social class, not race.  Our ancestors are not us, would you have your child punished for a crime you committed? No. (If you said yes, well, I don't know what to say to you).

If my ancestors had any part in anything that crossed the lines of racism, sexism, ageism, antireligionism, or anything at all that discriminated against someone, I apologize on their behalf, they were obviously ignorant and maybe society had too much influence on them to make a stand.  I also apologize directly to any victims of discrimination, it is not right, and I hope that we find a way as a society to not continue this practice.

Notice I apologized FOR my ancestors and TO any victims, I haven't apologized for myself.  That's because I am not responsible for discrimination of that type.  I will say that if I personally know you, I may discriminate when I'm choosing someone say, to have lunch with.  I may discriminate against someone because they will talk too much, or maybe they won't talk at all.  Discrimination in itself isn't wrong, it literally means to discern between one thing and another.  If we didn't have some form of discrimination in our life, we might have a life full of half-thought choices, that may not be ideal.

Again, just be kind, follow Wheaton's Law, and remember, if we as a society don't change, and keep attacking ourselves, then what's the point? It's like a dog chasing it's tail if we all don't understand.  Humans are humans, apparently inherently ignorant, but still, all human.  Treat everyone that way.

Until next time, dear readers...

To Grow (Fall Forward)

It's never too late to grow.  It's never too late to admit your mistakes.  There is an amazing speech by Denzel Washington, in which he says it's ok to mess up, it's ok to fall, but fall forward.  Learn from your mistakes, learn from them and make better decisions and choices.  We all are imperfect, and we will mess up, we will falter, but we should take those moments as opportunities to better ourself or others.

In my life, I've made many mistakes, some big, some little.  Always, on the stumbling blocks I had dwelled too much on them.  It takes practice, but even the worst negative can turn into the biggest positive in your life.  I've had close friends and relatives depart from this world, and I harbored many regrets, most commonly that I never let those people know what they meant to me.  Sure, they might have known, but I would have preferred that I made it absolutely clear how much they meant to me.  The solution? Simple actually, while you have those you love, tell them exactly how much they mean to you, don't let them ever wonder how you feel.  Sounds a bit mushy maybe, but it's not always like that.  You can tell a coworker\friend that you respect their work ethic, or their dedication.

Now, I said it was simple, but if you are like me and a confirmed longtime introvert, it may take some practice, but the benefits are well worth going out on a limb with your feelings.  You both benefit from the act.

I guess this post is mainly an affirmation of some changes I'm actively making in my life.  To all of you, my readers, I do appreciate all of you, even those who message me to let me know that they liked my post, but in paragraph 3, section 5, I used "to" instead of "too."  You all play a big part in my life, and I am grateful for each of you.

There is a project I'm working on that I'm documenting, and I'll share in a later post, but I think a lot of you will be able to relate\appreciate it.

Until next time, dear readers...

Things I Learned in the Hood

I grew up watching Mister Rogers.  I watched him change into a cardigan, changes his shoes, and teach me about being a kind, gentle human being.  Sometimes his lessons were so simple, but the message attached was incredibly large and complex.  With some of the things that have been going on in my life, I started thinking about this, What Would Fred Rogers Do?  Not super catchy, but it got me to thinking, and here are 20 life lessons from Mister Rogers, and a little about what they mean to me.

• Each One of Us Is Special and Unique
• This is something that I've tried to pass on to my children.  There is not another one of them in the world, and there never will be.
• You're Never Wrong to Have Feelings
• This hits home right now, because I have said this innumerable times lately to one of my daughters.  She has been made to feel guilty for feeling how she is feeling.  If you are so narcissistic that you try to make your children feel guilty for not feeling the way they should, you should not be allowed around children at all.
• Love is Sacred
• The L word isn't something to use lightly, although it is so often.  Love who you want, for whatever reason you want.  As long as you are both rowing the boat in the same direction, you will reach your destination.
• Use your Imagination
• As we get older, we start being way too analytical, we need to see things with the mind of a child.  We could get so much more accomplished as a species if more people trusted their imagination.
• Stay Positive
• This is so hard.  I try my best, but I often have to make it an active thing to stay positive.  Things could be worse, so be happy and thankful for what you have.
• Look for the Helpers
• This was something Mister Rogers mother had told him.  There is so much chaos going on in our world, and so much negativity, but look for those helping.  They are the ones who are compassionate towards their fellow man, we all should be helpers.
• There is a Very Simple Key to Success
• As Mister Rogers said, there are three ways to succeed.  The first, is to be kind.   The second is to be kind.  The third? Be KIND.  No need to elaborate.  Don't break Wheaton's law.
• Listen
• Do not hear things to respond, listen to things to think.  There is a huge difference between hearing and listening.
• Don't Avoid Difficult Subjects
• Things happen.  Loved ones die, people get divorced, and people fall on hard times.  Be there for your children, so them, tell them what you are going through, let them know that they have the right to feel however they want to, just don't let them forget that they are loved.
• You Don't have to be Perfect
• I still have problems with this one.  We are all flawed.  The term perfectly flawed does apply to this, in the sense that we are who we are.  Our flaws might be severe, but without them, we couldn't be who we are.  Our flaws don't define us, how we handle them does.
• There's More to Life than Coming in First
• I've had numerous coaches in varying sports over the years, and the best among them, in my opinion, did not have the goal of being first.  I'm sure they wouldn't have minded it, but it was more crucial that the team works together, has fun and improves their ability.
• Embrace Growth and Change
• Things change with the times, holding on to the past is only holding you back.
• Imagine
• This is slightly different than using your imagination, in a sense.  Imagine what you can be.  Imagine what you can do.  Dream it, and make it real.
• The Things that Frighten you aren't Really that Scary
• This is an excellent lesson for all of us.  Obviously, the smaller message was explained to the children, those shadows at night in your room? Not real, you are bigger than them.  The larger message, we a bigger than any of our problems, we can and will get through them, and once you conquer them, things aren't quite so scary anymore.
• Take the Time to do a Good Job
• Anything worth doing is worth doing right.  Whatever you do, your name is attached to your work.  No matter what it is, put forth your best effort.  The harder part is figuring our what is worth your time and effort.
• There's Another Kind of Superhero
• Of course, not all superheroes wear capes.  As he was growing up, Mister Roger's fundamental ideas of what a hero was began to change.  Superman and the like, were of course heroes to him, but on a basic kind of level.  The real heroes are the men and women that go to work everyday to fight for our freedom, who maintain our civility and who do not know if they will return home safely at the end of the day.  That - is THE definition of a hero.
• Don't let Differences Divide People
• During the run on his show, racism and segregation were the norm, or it was for his generation, but he taught us that people are people. That's the lesson.  It doesn't matter what they look like, what color they are, how they identify themselves, none of it - none of it matters, because you know why? People are People, and we should show love and respect to them.
• Teach a Child to Love Books
• This starts with the parent.  Read bedtime stories to your children.  Practice your imagination, and just take the book in but make up a story involving them.  Use a different voice for each character, it will make them love diving into the stories from the pages or from your imagination.  Show them that reading is the key to maintaining a healthy imagination.
• Don't Forget What Really Matters
• Sometimes life is overwhelming, but just take a few minutes, sit back and remember what really matters.  Your family, your health, your happiness.
• Be Yourself
• Don't be fake. If you are fake, you will have fake friends, and when you are in a crisis, those fake friends will be nowhere around.  Do what you want, act like yourself, if people don't like it, that's not your fault, that is on them.  Be genuine, by amazing, be you!

I know this was quite a longer entry than usual,, but there is a lot going on, and I use this medium as a form of therapy.  I get a lot of feedback from you, dear reader, and I take in the good with the bad, because if you do not address your shortcomings, then they will lead to a large problem.  Please send me your comments\questions\concerns to me (jaydee.riggs atgmail.com), and I'll include some of them in my next entry!

Until next time, dear readers...

The Pause...

“Practice the pause” is a common thing to hear when someone is trying to warn someone from saying or doing something that might have a long lasting negative impact on someone or something.  It’s easy to derive from the phrase what it means, but I’ve seen so many situations escalate out of control because they didn’t think before they spoke or acted, and it can have long lasting, maybe permanent negative effects.  I have been thinking of how I can make it easier for me to show my own children how important that pause really is, so I’ve tried to come up with a checklist of sorts to help.

Before you speak or act in anger, ask yourself - is what you are about to say or do going to:

• Hurt someone’s feelings?
• Hurt someone physically? (providing this is not self defense)\
• Attack or blame someone else not present (or even involved)?
• Directly mislead someone so that you appear to not be at fault?

If you said yes to any of these, then, change your behavior, or at least remain silent.  I’ve seen long time friends stop talking to each other over a stupid comment made in anger that could have been avoided as it was unnecessary. I know this isn’t an easy thing to change, and it takes a lot of work over time.  You have to consciously check yourself in almost every situation you encounter throughout the day.

Hey, nobody’s perfect, and honestly sometimes our flaws are what make us better.  Just be you, and do no harm.

Until next time, dear readers...

Story Time

So, from last post to now a whole lot as happened, and with everything the way it is, it make me want to tell a story.  Sit back, relax and enjoy this tale of mine.

Imagine there is a man.  This man dated a woman.  This woman planned a surprise visit (she lived an hour or so away) on the man’s birthday.  The man had went through some hard times and was briefly staying with his parents.  The man’s mother wasn’t fond of the man’s girlfriend because her outward appearance was unconventional.  The man loved the woman for her, her appearance doesn’t mean a lot to him, although she was beautiful.  The man’s mother thought it was very forward for the lady to show up, although she had already discussed it with the woman, and the man’s sister.  They knew, it wasn’t a surprise to them.  It was one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had.  The man’s mother decided to judge her without knowing everything about her and hearing her past, judged her on who she was, not who she is.  She isn’t the person she was, and the man isn’t the person he was, which for a very long time wasn’t in a good place.  Both the man and woman had pasts they weren’t proud of, but they did not let that define who they were now.

The man and woman had fallen deeply in love, and after a few months decided to move in together.  They found a place that would fit the woman’s children and the men’s children, as best as their budget would allow.  After another few months, keep in mind that the mans mother disliked the woman so bad, she did not want her or her children in her house.  It was very silly.

A few months later, the woman got pregnant.  The man wanted to avoid the drama of his mother’s reaction, so he chose not to tell her.  The man and woman were very happy, but she did not like the secrecy, and rightfully so.  Fast forward nine weeks, and they went to a doctor’s appointment.  The man and woman looked at the ultrasound screen in terror.  The doctor came in.  He informed that, yes, our baby was dead.  The precious life that they created was now in heaven.  It was too much for both of them.  They did not know how to react.  The woman decided to leave, go back to what she left before she met the man.  The man tried to find love, but he knew in his heart he still loved the woman.

A couple of months had went by, and things were bad enough that the woman realized, as she did when she left that she loved the man more than anything, and wanted to spend her life with him, and no other man.  The man left his girlfriend, the woman left the other man, and they reunited.  The mans mother still did not like the woman.  The man’s mother still had not tried to get to know the woman.  The future for the man and woman is solid, they know what they want and they deal with people naysaying on a regular basis.  They have hurt some people along the way, and they are not unfeeling towards what they have done.  They regret some actions, but they are working to rebuild some of the trust they lost during that time.  They are willing to prove their love, they do plan to spend the rest of their life together.  The man is upset with his mother, but his ex-wife is harassing him as well.

The man’s ex-wife, who has since remarried, to the boy that she cheated on the man with, has now stuck her nose into the man’s business.  She says she doesn’t want the children that they had together to be around the woman.  The ex-wife is upset because when she was married to the man, she could control him, as she is a very, very controlling person.  Now that she can’t control the man, it frustrates her to no end, so she tries to use their children as a tool to hurt him.  She doesn’t want their children around the woman, but she has never sat down and talked with her, she is judging only appearance.  The ex-wife is petty and a fool.  The ex-wife has no say on this and it is driving her to the point of calling the man and spending 5 minutes or so screaming and cursing at the top of her lungs at him. The man is not afraid of her, because she is a small person, and small people think only of themselves.

The man and the woman are happy.  All of their children are happy.  They are safe.  They are home.  The man loves the woman, and the woman loves the man.  There love is never ending but forever growing.  No matter what anyone says, they know that together they are stronger that their struggles.

End of Story, for now...

Sorry for the length on this post, but take what you will from this post, that’s all i can say.

Until next time, dear readers...

A Simple Yes or No

In life, we as human beings tend to try to over complicate things.  We create problems where non exist.  On the other side of that coin, we also have a tendency to overlook problems, or ignoring issues all together.  We are a complicated species.

I’ve been guilty of both sides of this problem on multiple occasions, and will likely continue to do so to a certain degree.  I had written up my next blog post and it was more or less a rant piece on why people can’t see what’s glaring at them in the face sometimes.  Even with someone pointing it out,m it’s like they have blinders on in that regard.  It ended up getting more personal than I had intended, which made me realize, I was too close to the situation.  I really took a few steps back any analyzed  (over analyzed I’m sure), the situation  and that’s when it dawned on me.  Sometimes when people say they want your help, that’s not exactly what they mean.  They mean they want your support, even if you see the dangers of their actions, they just want you there to listen, to tell them it will be ok, even if that may be a lie.

There is a big difference between respecting someone’s choice and agreeing with it.  Sometimes we get so fixated on an end result, we ignore bothe the good things and bad things that happen along that journey.  I still respect my friends choices, and I won’t point out any red flags anymore,  I will acknowledge the good things that were a result of that person’s choices. Admittedly that puts me in a quiet position most of the time, but people will see what they want to see and are quick to place blame on those who point out someone else’s error.  People need to choose for themselves what they will and won’t accept in regards to how they are treated.

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn.  I grew up with a mindset that right is right and wrong is wrong. You don’t act a certain way, and you don’t allow yourself to be treated a certain way.  People grow up differently though, and what isn’t acceptable to one person is completely acceptable to another.  I’m not saying one person is right and the other wrong, I’m just saying their perspectives aren’t the same.  

Sometimes being honest means not being kind, or telling people things they already know, but don’t want to hear.  I’ve started implementing a very simplistic way of thinking.  It’s a yes or no system.  Does the person know what you are going to tell? Yes? No need to tell again, they don’t want to hear it. Will it harm the person to say it? Yes? Don’t say it.  Do they want your opinion? No? Just give them your support and be there to listen,  A lot of life’s big issues can actually be boiled down to a yes or no answer system.  Do you know it’s harmful? Then don’t do it. Do you have faith that it can be done? If yes, put you’re all into it.  Always remember though, if your all isn’t good enough for it, it’s not good enough for you.

Also, I want to bring up for the billionth time the word honesty. Just be honest, it saves time, heartache and so much more,  I respect someone who hurts my feelings by being honest so much more than someone who lies to try to not hurt them.

Until next time, dear readers...

A Long, Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far, Far...

So, it’s been a few days since my last post.  A lot has happened.  I’ve been busy, and I mean busy. Between work, kids, gym, personal training, and personal stuff, I’ve had about 10 minutes of “free” time (which is spent washing dishes).  I’ve gotten a whole lot of feedback on my last post.  The majority of it was positive, but some of the negative ones are sticking with me, which provided me with an epiphany.

In life (in general), the negative things tend to stick better in our memory.  This is because they hit on our emotions and insecurities more so than positive things.  It’s normal.   Think about your childhood, you will remember good things (I hope you do), and you will remember bad things (I know you will), and sometimes the scales are tipped a little unfairly.  Sometimes we get stuck on fixing the negative and ignore maintaining the positive.  It’s all about changing your mindset, and it’s not an easy task by any stretch.

Ok, so, just some little notes here...

As I’m sure you remember, I’ve been looking to get sponsored as an athletic performer, and I’ve had some interest, and some success.  Saying too much will obviously jinx it, so, that’s about as clear\vague as I’m going to get at this point.  I’m still getting closer to getting my personal trainer certification, and when I have some extra money laying around, I’ll pay for the certification exam and go from there.

Right now, I’m really busy, which is probably a good thing, but it does cut out time for some things, and I’m trying to juggle my schedule to make sure I can get to those things.  It’s a hectic time, but I must absolutely say that I am extremely grateful for everyone in my life, and to you reading this (yes, you!) I am very grateful for you too.

Now, my podcast is going well, listener base is starting to rise slowly, but it is rising, comments and questions are coming in, and I love it!  Good or bad, let me know what you think, ask me anything, ands I will answer, unless it’s of a personal matter.  Also, for you Apple listeners, it should show up in the apple podcast app shortly, I know that will make a few of you very happy, lol.

As always, I strongly encourage you to ask me questions, give me feedback or just say hi.  I usually respond relatively quickly, so fire away!

Until next time, dear readers...

Start off With Truth

Ok, so, honesty is very important to me, so I’m going to take a minute and be completely honest with you.

At the moment, I am looking for direction in my life.  Being honest, I’m not where I want to be, and I am looking for the first step to get to where I want and\or need to be.  Do I want to spend the rest of my life at my current job, and living in my current situation? No.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, I work with some great people, and I may not live in a palace, but I’m happy to have a place over my head.

The ways of the universe, under God’s command, have placed me where I am in this moment for a reason.  It’s not my job to try to find that reason, honestly, it’s my job to learn from my situation, what got me here, and try to better myself.  I’ve said it before, but the only person I’m in competition with is myself.  I just have to be better today than I was yesterday.  I feel like I’m doing that, to the best of my ability.   Everyday I learn something about myself or others that I can take to heart and work on\with.

Do I want to be single forever? No, I really don’t, no matter what type of front I put on.  Finding that someone to spend the rest of my time here on Earth with is not an easy task.  I have met some wonderful people that will always be my friend, no matter how anything else worked (or didn’t work) out.  I am grateful.  My heart is thankful for everything, good or bad, I am thankful.  It’s not like I’m trying to hide myself away or anything.  I am putting myself out there, I am trying, and maybe I should be, or maybe I shouldn’t be, I don’t really know.  I know that I want to take an active part in my life and not just watch everything pass me by.

I have many friends.  I’m not talking about Facebook friends, I mean people I’m friends with in real life, you know, that you can talk to, not just text to.  Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has an opinion on what I should be doing, or trying to do.  That’s great, I appreciate input.  The thing is though, it is their opinion, like I said, so it is what they think from their point of view with the amount of knowledge they have about the situation(s).  I listen, I don’t just hear them.  Who knows, I might get that one bit of inspiration from a friend who is actually talking about something else.  I mean things work out in mysterious ways sometimes.

I’ve been continuing writing a chapter in my book that I know will never be read, its a chapter for me.  This chapter really captures a lot of my heart, and although I am releasing a lot of knowledge about myself in this book, what I am writing now is something I will share with no one.  Call it a more in depth journal entry, or what have you, but getting it out does help, ever so slightly.

On a final note, the podcast is taking off quite well.  I’ve gotten a lot of feedback, more good than bad, so that’s a sign, right?  Well, I’m going to let some (maybe) good news escape here - I was limiting my podcasts to 15 minutes for several reasons, but I’ve had an overwhelming response and many have asked if I can address x issue, but to do so would increase my weekly record time, so I’m removing that limit.  I’ll address everything sent to me up to the point I record.  Woohoo?

Until next time dear readers...

Still Learning

A few months ago I posted an entry called "I'm Still Learning," and I wanted to say that, that is still the case.  I find out bad things about myself, and I correct them as best as I can.  I find flaws in others and forgive them, as best as I can.  Actually to that point, I may have perfected that a little too well, and I may need to change that to "forgive and distance."  Anyhow, to the main point of this post, I wanted to give some more life lessons.  Keep in mind, some of these may be repeats, but there is obviously a reason they are being repeated, so pay attention.

Life Lessons (Again, without explanations):

• No one is perfect, if you think they are, they can only let you down.
• People will believe what they want to, often without hearing all sides.
• If your best isn't good enough for a person, then that person isn't good enough for you.
• Maintain your self-respect, walk away before you can't.
• A relationship should never be adversarial.  Your teammates, not opponents.
• Trust is built slowly, but broken quickly,
• Always pause to think before you do or say anything, consider all viewpoints.
• If someone doesn't show interest, then they are, well uninterested.
• Sometimes it is essential to tell people how you feel, so long as doing so doesn't hurt them unnecessarily.
• Sometimes if you know something about someone that they don't know you know, it's best to let them tell you in their own time, as long as it doesn't to do harm to either of you.
• You might need to hold your tongue from saying some things, and I mean literally.
• We as humans are inclined to form an opinion about someone before getting to know them, so we could end up loving or hating the idea of a person, rather than the person.  Either way, this way of thinking will affect our actual impression of the person.
• I joke around and always bring up Rule 13, that I am always right.  I'm not, in fact, I've been made shockingly aware that I am not right nearly as often as I thought.  I am imperfect, and I always will be, so using an absolute like "always" is meant as a joke.  Trust me, I'm right.
• Friends are a valuable commodity, one that over the years increases in value, invest in them.  Support them, believe in them, and encourage them.  In turn, they will do the same for you when you need it most.
• Sometimes juice companies use sweetened, colored, apple juice and market it as grape juice. Lies.
• If it's not pushing you forward, towards something better, then it's pulling you back, to where you don't want to be.  Change it.
• Don't live passively, be the most active part of your life.
• Don't let others make decisions for you, they don't have to live with the consequences.

I know, there's a lot, but there could have been a lot more.  I'll save those for another post another day.

Until next time, dear readers...

Real Talk

Some recent events in my life have made me wish I had a time machine. I just want to go back to past James, slap him in the face and tell him he needs to stop being stupid.

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I always keep my word, I never lose my cool, I would do anything to help a friend, I’m incredibly loyal, and I care too much. Just so you know, I did not write this list, so please don’t think I’m that shallow. In the past few months (and maybe longer) I have acted out of character several times. This has hurt others, and myself. I can’t change what I’ve done, or it's impact, all I can do is keep reminding myself of the consequences of acting like an idiot.

During this time, I also came to the startling conclusion that if one person tells you something, it's possibly true, possibly not.  When two people tell you the same thing, it's more than likely true than not.  When you have three or more people telling you the same thing, you should probably listen.  The truth of the matter is that sometimes you see what you want to see, not what is actually there.  In my last post, I talked about inventories.  Well, I've did a huge inventory of myself recently, and I've discovered more about myself than I ever have.  I've found a lot of good things about myself, and I've found bad things about myself.  I'm working on those, and I'll be perfectly honest, it's going to be a struggle and take time on some of them.

Setting boundaries is key.  I have found that I have trouble setting boundaries with people.  You need to be honest with yourself and with them, let them know that you just won't do some things, not because you don't want to, but because once a boundary is crossed, it is much easier to cross it again. It's not a bad thing to help someone out, but don't change your boundaries in order to do so.

As I have been updating you on everything (which I've been told is too much, but, oh well), I'll go ahead and address the dating question.  I am not closed off to dating, but, as I'm sure you concluded, I didn't do so well with my recent try.  I am human, and I do make mistakes, and sometimes more than once.  I am (and always will be) in a constant state of personal growth, physically and mentally, and there have been people there at my worst, and stuck by me to hep me be my best.  I don't know where I'd be without them, and that's the type of person I'm looking for.  They are hard to find, but once I find that person, well, I'll be happy I guess is the easiest way to say it.  It's been said that when you find the once, "you'll just know."  That's wrong probably eight times out of ten.  Sure, I believe that some people just know, but they have to both "just know" before I'll believe it.  One sided relationships are far too common.  I think that I will only know if the person is right if she is by me through my struggles as well as my successes, and I'll have the same opportunity to do so for her.  Long story short, I guess I'm still looking.

I'll leave you with this, if you don't like what you see, don't blame the mirror.

Until next time dear readers...

Looking Back

Recently I've been thinking.  I know, probably not the greatest thing for me to do.  Nevertheless, I've been contemplating about making my life a little more private.  I post a lot on this blog, I update a lot on Facebook and Instagram, but am I hurting myself by doing that?  I know of several people who would immediately say "YES!" and I can't really disagree with them.  The only counterpoint I can come up with is that I am probably doing more good than harm.  That is good for others vs harm to myself.  I get a steady stream of emails, texts, facebook messages, etc on how I've motivated someone to do something.  I've had several that honestly have made me tear up reading them.  Those people are the ones that have faced much more than I can imagine, yet see that it doesn't have to always be bad.

Your struggles determine your successes. So, we can derive from that, that you can not be successful at something without facing struggles. I mean it, think about your work, your relationships, and pretty much everything in your life. Those who aren’t successful are usually focused solely on the result. You need to focus and be in love with the process to get there. Want to get your PhD? Be in love with the studing, the research and the constant judgement by your professors and peers. It is all about the process. Want an awesome body? Learn to love the gym time and the diet. If you don’t, you will give up. Fact of life, unfortunately. The unhappy truth in life is not everyone will be successful. I mean, if everyone was, then how would you measure if you were or not?

So what’s wrong with not being successful? Not a thing. What’s wrong with being ordinary? Again, not a thing. It’s the ordinary things in life that are truly special. Spending time with a loved one. Teaching your child to ride a bike. Meeting friends for lunch. It’s totally the normal things that make life love living.  There are those though, who think they have to have to have the best, be the best, and it's not a question if they should, they feel it's their right.  That's called entitlement. There are two two of entitlement, the first goes likes this: I am so much better than everyone else, therefore I deserve special treatment.  The second goes like this: Everyone is so much better than I am, therefore I deserve special treatment.  That's dangerous thinking, the kind that can (and will) alienate everyone in your life. Everyone is special and unique, but that does not mean everyone deserves special treatment.  I mean, if everyone got special treatment, it wouldn't be special, it would just be, well, treatment.

Let me end today's post with this: the things most easily obtained, are the things that are easiest to lose.  What does that mean? Well, the world builds on your insecurities.  Almost all forms of marketing are trying to point out some that is wrong or missing from your life, often things you never thought about until the advertisement was presented to you.  Want to lose weight? Take this pill! Want to have beautiful hair? Try this shampoo!  Do you have a bald spot? We have hair in a spray can!  People get these products because they are insecure about something, and are willing to take the easiest option to try to fix it.  The honest truth is simple. To get something that is lasting, it's going to take a lot of work.  It's going to take a crap ton of time and dedication.  Results aren't always immediate, but they are lasting.  So, if you want it, be prepared to spend a lot of time and a lot of effort into attaining it.  Not only will it last, but you will feel a greater sense of pride and accomplishment for all said hard work.

While I know I was a bit all over the place on topics on this one, I still think that it's a solid post.

Until next time, dear readers...

Balance

Ready for another cliche that rings true? Life is about balance.

Think for a minute.  Your emotions say a lot.  Love, hate, happy, sad.  The primary emotions are balanced.  In my life, I have been called many things. Nice, mean.  Jealous, generous.  Thoughtful, thoughtless.  Handsome, ugly.  Caring, indifferent. Loving, cold.  Strong, weak.  Smart, idiot.  Hard working, lazy.  See where I'm going with this?  Life has a balance, whether or not we realize it.

Why am I talking about this?  No particular reason, I was just trying to think of what I wanted to share, and this came to mind.  If we don't recognize the need for balance, then we risk not benefitting from all life has to offer.

I get a lot of feedback, as you know, and most are positive.  There are a lot of negative ones as well.  I have to sort through those and I look for what might actually be constructive criticism.  I admit, I've learned a lot about myself through those negative comments.  A lot of times people read what I wrote wrong.  Let me clarify, they misread how I wrote it.

I share a lot, and sometimes my tone doesn't translate well.  Let me be the first to say, I never mean anything in a malicious way.  I don't try to imply something without coming out and saying it, so if I offend you - let me know.  That is far from my intention.

Life is a continually learning experience.  To paraphrase Einstein, "the day you stop learning is the day you start dying."  There have been other quotes that say the same thing, but I like Al.  I like to think that I learn something everyday, even if it's just a little thing.  I like to think I learn more about myself everyday.  Lately, I've been more or less happy with who I am.  I am always trying to improve, and if I talk about that, please don't think it's hubris or bravado, it's just me, telling you about me.  I've throttled it down quite a bit, but considering the feedback I get on a regular basis, those updates help people more than hurt.  I've gotten many emails about how I've inspired someone to make a change.  That is awesome, and that is why I do what I do.  You guys rock.


Until next time dear reader...

New Things

Well, I've made several huge changes in my life.  The diet, the exercise, the divorce, and changing jobs.  It's really life.  I've started a brand new life.  It's scary.  I mean it's frighteningly scary at times.  On the plus side, it's all positive.  I have some negative things going on in my life too right now, but I try not to focus on those things.  They are temporary, and all my positive things I'm striving to make permanent.  It's not an easy task, but seeings the results of my efforts is making it all very worthwhile.  It's a learning adventure as well, by that I mean I'm learning a lot about myself along the way.

Normally I'm the last person to compliment myself, and I don't know if that was a self esteem issue or what, but now I can see the positives in myself and I am proud.  I mean I don't go around professing how great I think I am, but I'm not afraid to brag a little if the occasion arises.  I'm also more receptive of compliments, where as in the past I just assumed people were trying to be nice instead of honest.  I've had several people over just the last few weeks tell me how nice I am.  I finally asked one why they think I'm nice.  The response took me a little off guard.  They said that I did favors, tasks or was just generally there for them and I didn't expect anything in return.  I don't ever do something with the intention of having something done for me in return.  It's sad that some people treat kindness with the expectation of a return on investment.  Be nice, people.  You'll be better for it, and so will the world.  I guess that's today's public service announcement.  Do with it what you will.

Since there has been so much interest in the health and fitness series I wrote, I'm going to try to include a little tip in each blog entry.  I won't today, because honestly, I just got through working out (it's 11:00p) and I've got yo be at work at 7a, so I'm cutting this one a bit short. More to come soon.

Until next time dear readers...