(Another) Word on Divorce

So, I still get a lot of questions about my divorce and how I’ve coped with it. Here’s what I’ll say, everything else (well, this too) is in my book, be looking for that.

My divorce.  It changed my life, in all sorts of ways, and really to this day affects me.  With no details being given, let’s just say I had a reason to mistrust, and there is little else on this earth that hurts like having to say goodbye to someone who is still living, especially when you have so much you’d like to say, but you know it would fall on deaf ears.

The night I was essentially kicked out of my own home was horrible, I still occasionally have nightmares that relive that evening.  I literally lost (almost) everything, with just four words, “I want a divorce.”  Of course, there were some problems, but the ones she was bringing up were things that had been resolved, so she was just looking for a reason, and I wasn’t ready to end things just yet, but that didn’t matter, she was done.  There was no, “Hey, I think we are having issues, let’s work on them,” there was just a “get out.”

It cuts incredibly deep, and has changed the way that I look at any new relationship.  I’ve been through several relationships, and there is always several factors that are different now.  First of all, I have three beautiful girls and their opinion means a great deal to me.  Being the sympathetic children they are, if they see that the person is making me happy, then they like them, if not, well, they let me know.  As I’m looking for a potential lifelong partner, their opinion is almost more important than mine in some regards.  I’ve had my parents weigh in on occasion, and again, I value their opinion, but what it all boils down to is trust.  Can I trust this person? There have been those I trusted, even after my divorce, which turned out to be a bad idea.  There has been a lot of emotions going through my head as I had tried to date.

Where am I at now?  Well, that’s my business, but let’s just say, finding the right person to trust and love isn’t easy, and when you do, it has the potential to be absolutely amazing.  I’m extremely careful whom I place my heart in care with.

A Word on Humility

Humility:  the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's ownimportance, rank, etc.

Ok, first off, humility is something everyone can achieve, so I want to squash that bug right now.  It takes a person to willing want to change their mindset from being a braggart to being quiet.

I try everyday to be a humble person, some say I am, others say I’m not, but although I do value other’s opinions, it’s not their opinion that means the most to me.  The opinions that matter moUIKeyInputDownArrowst are my own and those very close to me, but mainly my own.  If I can wake up, proud of who I am, then what the rest of the world thinks matters little.  I try my best to achieve humility, it’s a process that is continual and I will continue it for the rest of my life.

I’m at the gym, a lot.  There are a lot of people there who claim to be humble.  I hate to break it to you, but if say you are humble, or do acts of charity just to brag about them, then you are indeed not humble.  I joke around sometimes about how humble I am (usually quoting any of Muhamad Ali’s speeches), but that’s what it is, a joke.  I do not believe I am humble, I believe I am a work in progress, and will forever be so.  I hope to be so.  

Signs you aren’t humble:

1. You say this when someone tells you an accomplishment of theirs, “Oh yeah, well I did...”
2. You look for ways to help people where it will be noticed publicly.
3. When you think “This will make me look good” before you do something.
4. You are Muhamad Ali

Of course, this is a short list, but it’s the majority of the stuff I see.  It does upset me that people act this way, and it upsets me more that people fall for it. 

Until next time, dear readers...

Simple Relationship Advice

So, I get a lot of questions asking for advice in different aspects of relationships.  I don’t know why, I clearly am not a good example when it comes to ships, as in relationships.  However, I am learning. Here, in my famous format, is a list of tips for relationships.

1. Never stop winning your partner over, just because you landed the relationship, it doesn’t mean you need to stop that.
2. Learn.  Things may go good, or go bad, but learn, and admit your part and work on it.
3. Love yourself first.  You are an amazing person, and you need to realize that before you let anyone try to love you the way you need to be specifically loved.
4. Put your phone down.
5. Listen.  Don’t just hear what they are saying, but listen.
6. Sometimes people just need compassion, not guidance.
7. Treat every day as a new opportunity to express how your partner makes you feel.
8. Don’t avoid issues, deal with them.
9. Be completely honest, not just with your partner, but yourself. Especially yourself.
10. When in doubt, talk it out.
11. Never miss an opportunity to praise your partner, not just in public, but in private too.
12. Long lasting relationships are not two people needing each other.  They are two people who do NOT NEED one another, but choose every day that they WANT each other, and show their partner that at every opportunity.

There, that’s a good start.  I am by no means saying I’m proficient at any of these, but these are a few of the things I’ve learned that help relationships grow and stay strong.  If you feel you can’t do all of these, gladly and with pride, maybe it’s not the right relationship. There is no rule that says if you are in love with someone that they are the right person for you.  As someone who has had several failed attempts at relationships (including a failed marriage), let me tell you, sometimes your love for someone isn’t the same as their love for you. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed is not a part of a healthy, “right” relationship.

I can’t tell you if you are with the right person, and even if I did, what are the chances you would really listen?  As humans, we don’t like to admit we are ever wrong, because over the centuries being wrong has been associated with being a failure.  I’ve learned more about myself and about life in general by being wrong than I ever have by being right.  Being wrong has brought me to where I am in my life, and right now, I’m pretty happy.  I know that there is still a lot of work for me to do, but getting things wrong is how I will get there.  

Until next time, dear readers...

A Simple Yes or No

In life, we as human beings tend to try to over complicate things.  We create problems where non exist.  On the other side of that coin, we also have a tendency to overlook problems, or ignoring issues all together.  We are a complicated species.

I’ve been guilty of both sides of this problem on multiple occasions, and will likely continue to do so to a certain degree.  I had written up my next blog post and it was more or less a rant piece on why people can’t see what’s glaring at them in the face sometimes.  Even with someone pointing it out,m it’s like they have blinders on in that regard.  It ended up getting more personal than I had intended, which made me realize, I was too close to the situation.  I really took a few steps back any analyzed  (over analyzed I’m sure), the situation  and that’s when it dawned on me.  Sometimes when people say they want your help, that’s not exactly what they mean.  They mean they want your support, even if you see the dangers of their actions, they just want you there to listen, to tell them it will be ok, even if that may be a lie.

There is a big difference between respecting someone’s choice and agreeing with it.  Sometimes we get so fixated on an end result, we ignore bothe the good things and bad things that happen along that journey.  I still respect my friends choices, and I won’t point out any red flags anymore,  I will acknowledge the good things that were a result of that person’s choices. Admittedly that puts me in a quiet position most of the time, but people will see what they want to see and are quick to place blame on those who point out someone else’s error.  People need to choose for themselves what they will and won’t accept in regards to how they are treated.

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn.  I grew up with a mindset that right is right and wrong is wrong. You don’t act a certain way, and you don’t allow yourself to be treated a certain way.  People grow up differently though, and what isn’t acceptable to one person is completely acceptable to another.  I’m not saying one person is right and the other wrong, I’m just saying their perspectives aren’t the same.  

Sometimes being honest means not being kind, or telling people things they already know, but don’t want to hear.  I’ve started implementing a very simplistic way of thinking.  It’s a yes or no system.  Does the person know what you are going to tell? Yes? No need to tell again, they don’t want to hear it. Will it harm the person to say it? Yes? Don’t say it.  Do they want your opinion? No? Just give them your support and be there to listen,  A lot of life’s big issues can actually be boiled down to a yes or no answer system.  Do you know it’s harmful? Then don’t do it. Do you have faith that it can be done? If yes, put you’re all into it.  Always remember though, if your all isn’t good enough for it, it’s not good enough for you.

Also, I want to bring up for the billionth time the word honesty. Just be honest, it saves time, heartache and so much more,  I respect someone who hurts my feelings by being honest so much more than someone who lies to try to not hurt them.

Until next time, dear readers...

RedCon1

As many of you have heard, I am now a Tier Operatior for RedCon1, a supplement company.  I do not back anything i have less than the upmost belief in, and this is one of those products that does exactly as it advertises.  I have been using their products for a while and my results have been amazing, and yes, are all legal and non banned substances.  People want to know how to try their products without making a large purchase, and that is as simple as ordering samples.  Use my code T20JRiggs and you will get a 20% discount.  If you know me in person, I would be glad to share some samples of product with you, just be sure to email me!

I am looking forward to a great future with this company, and I am looking forward to what other amazing products they come out with.  As a side not, these are also the best tasting products I’ve had to DATE, which says a lot.

Order Here:

Let me know what you think!

Until next time dear readers!

Always in the Process of Improvement

API.

Always in the Process of Improvement

That’s the goal.  Whether is is physical improvement, mental improvement, life situation improvement, it doesn’t matter - just keep striving to improve.  The best advice I can give someone who is trying their hardest to reach an attainable goal is simply this. “Keep going, don’t stop.”  It’s simple, but even just the slightest encouragement can make a word of different to someone, as words of discouragement can do the opposite.

Now for a word on happiness.  Happiness comes from within.  Outside factors can have an effect on how hard you have to try to be happy, but ultimately, it is an internal decision, everyday.  I love to see others happy, that is one thing that brings me genuine joy, however, in my process of trying to make others happy, I’ve neglected most of the things about me that make myself happy.  I’ve been happy, but it was vicariously through someone else’s happiness.  Happiness has a tendency to rub off, and that’s a very good thing.  Now, when you solely depend on others happiness to be happy, you need to take a look at yourself.  It’s ok, things happen. Life often gets in the way of most things, but we have to work with it everyday.  

Recently I made the realization that while, yes, I am happy at the moment, it’s not my happiness, it’s others rubbing off.  I mean what I need to be or have to make me happy, and that is a work in progress.  I’ve tried some things (nothing illegal), to see if it was what I was missing, and I’m sad to say that it didn’t work.  My heart knows what it knows, and for once, my brain and heart are in perfect alignment, and I have to wait for that opportunity.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster, that’s for sure, but yeah, it is what it is, and while that may make others sad or even mad, it’s better to figure things out early on rather than farther down the road.

Take a deep look at your situation. Are you truly happy? If not, then change it, if so, then cultivate it.  It’s a simple formula.  In order to make yourself happy, you might make others unhappy or even mad, but that’s not on you, that’s on them. Remember that.

Until next time dear readers...

The Book and a Quick Note

So, I thought I would do just a post on my book since there have been a lot of inquiries.

The book is in progress, I do have a publisher lined up, and I will be giving out codes for free downloads (limited amount) when it does get published.

There, does that answer your questions? I’m kidding, I’ll keep going.

The most frequently asked question is what the book is about, and the short answer is me.  I’m not a narcissist, or anything like that.  At the core of the book, it is a self help book.  I spent a lot of time not only telling you about my life events, but also what I feel like I did wrong and how I could have avoided some things, so in turn, hopefully you will learn from my mistakes.  No, I don’t picture myself as this guru for motivational writing, I picture myself as a guy who is been through a lot and if I can help just one person, that would validate all the hours I spent on this book.

Next question.  How long have I been working on the book? Over a year.  I haven’t been able to just schedule a time each day\week to work on it, so it’s not coming exactly quickly, but trust me, it’s been quality of quantity.  There are long chapters.  There are short chapters.  There are powerful messages.  There are silly anecdotes.  From those I have let preview it, I have gotten many different responses.  There have been laughs, there have been tears and there have been proposals of marriage.  Ok, I made up that last one.

Back of the book description? I actually haven’t thought of that, but I’ll take a shot:

“From the author of myblogtypething.com comes an insightful outlook on life.  James Riggs has gathered together some of the best and worst times of his life and shared them with you, and he includes insights on said events.  He opens up his deepest emotional moments in his life and dissects them into moment by moment sections to explore what happened or what could have happened.”

When I do get closer to publishing, I will be sending out digital copies for quotes and reviews, so if you want in on that, please let me know.

All in all, the book is coming along well, just not quickly.

Thanks again for your continued interest!

Now, for the quick note.  I had an epiphany. Being happy is actually very simple. Well, the formula is, the practice might be a bit more difficult.  To be happy, you have to choose to be happy.  Sounds really simple, and it is, but choosing to be happy means more than just saying “Hey, I’m going to be happy today.”  Being happy means you might have to make a few small sacrifices.  Choose to be happy, not right.  A common argument is that I’m right, you’re wrong.  The subject matter is all over the place with arguments, but that is what it boils down to.  I’m right, you’re wrong and you can’t convince me otherwise.  Stop it.  If you are in a relationship with someone, and really love that person, you don’t have to be right, you have to be happy.  Let them win.  Don’t be rude about it or anything, just don’t argue, let them finish their monologue and them give them a hug.  Be happy.  You woke up, which is a blessing each day, you have a roof over your head, which a lot of people don’t, and you aren’t starving to death (literally, I mean near death from malnutrition).  Take a moment to reflect on all that you have, not what you don’t have.  We take for granted soooo many things in this life, but when we start living a life with gratitude and grace, a whole new outlook is available.  I’m not saying if you are in a bad relationship to just ignore it, if you are in a bad relationship, end it. Move on.  Be Happy. Don’t be ignorant of something that is harming you, cut out the unneeded negative.  Happiness and contentment are gifts, and they are gifts we give ourselves.  It’s not a selfish thing to give yourself credit for something you have accomplished and are proud of.  Today, as of this moment, I am happy.  There are so many things going right in my life that I am focusing on, that being happy is easy when I think about them.  I have bad things going on too, but when you focus on the negative, you become negative and the good things in your life may just disappear and never be available to you again. Be grateful.  Gratitude and Grace.  

Until next time dear readers...