Things I Learned in the Hood

I grew up watching Mister Rogers.  I watched him change into a cardigan, changes his shoes, and teach me about being a kind, gentle human being.  Sometimes his lessons were so simple, but the message attached was incredibly large and complex.  With some of the things that have been going on in my life, I started thinking about this, What Would Fred Rogers Do?  Not super catchy, but it got me to thinking, and here are 20 life lessons from Mister Rogers, and a little about what they mean to me.

• Each One of Us Is Special and Unique
• This is something that I've tried to pass on to my children.  There is not another one of them in the world, and there never will be.
• You're Never Wrong to Have Feelings
• This hits home right now, because I have said this innumerable times lately to one of my daughters.  She has been made to feel guilty for feeling how she is feeling.  If you are so narcissistic that you try to make your children feel guilty for not feeling the way they should, you should not be allowed around children at all.
• Love is Sacred
• The L word isn't something to use lightly, although it is so often.  Love who you want, for whatever reason you want.  As long as you are both rowing the boat in the same direction, you will reach your destination.
• Use your Imagination
• As we get older, we start being way too analytical, we need to see things with the mind of a child.  We could get so much more accomplished as a species if more people trusted their imagination.
• Stay Positive
• This is so hard.  I try my best, but I often have to make it an active thing to stay positive.  Things could be worse, so be happy and thankful for what you have.
• Look for the Helpers
• This was something Mister Rogers mother had told him.  There is so much chaos going on in our world, and so much negativity, but look for those helping.  They are the ones who are compassionate towards their fellow man, we all should be helpers.
• There is a Very Simple Key to Success
• As Mister Rogers said, there are three ways to succeed.  The first, is to be kind.   The second is to be kind.  The third? Be KIND.  No need to elaborate.  Don't break Wheaton's law.
• Listen
• Do not hear things to respond, listen to things to think.  There is a huge difference between hearing and listening.
• Don't Avoid Difficult Subjects
• Things happen.  Loved ones die, people get divorced, and people fall on hard times.  Be there for your children, so them, tell them what you are going through, let them know that they have the right to feel however they want to, just don't let them forget that they are loved.
• You Don't have to be Perfect
• I still have problems with this one.  We are all flawed.  The term perfectly flawed does apply to this, in the sense that we are who we are.  Our flaws might be severe, but without them, we couldn't be who we are.  Our flaws don't define us, how we handle them does.
• There's More to Life than Coming in First
• I've had numerous coaches in varying sports over the years, and the best among them, in my opinion, did not have the goal of being first.  I'm sure they wouldn't have minded it, but it was more crucial that the team works together, has fun and improves their ability.
• Embrace Growth and Change
• Things change with the times, holding on to the past is only holding you back.
• Imagine
• This is slightly different than using your imagination, in a sense.  Imagine what you can be.  Imagine what you can do.  Dream it, and make it real.
• The Things that Frighten you aren't Really that Scary
• This is an excellent lesson for all of us.  Obviously, the smaller message was explained to the children, those shadows at night in your room? Not real, you are bigger than them.  The larger message, we a bigger than any of our problems, we can and will get through them, and once you conquer them, things aren't quite so scary anymore.
• Take the Time to do a Good Job
• Anything worth doing is worth doing right.  Whatever you do, your name is attached to your work.  No matter what it is, put forth your best effort.  The harder part is figuring our what is worth your time and effort.
• There's Another Kind of Superhero
• Of course, not all superheroes wear capes.  As he was growing up, Mister Roger's fundamental ideas of what a hero was began to change.  Superman and the like, were of course heroes to him, but on a basic kind of level.  The real heroes are the men and women that go to work everyday to fight for our freedom, who maintain our civility and who do not know if they will return home safely at the end of the day.  That - is THE definition of a hero.
• Don't let Differences Divide People
• During the run on his show, racism and segregation were the norm, or it was for his generation, but he taught us that people are people. That's the lesson.  It doesn't matter what they look like, what color they are, how they identify themselves, none of it - none of it matters, because you know why? People are People, and we should show love and respect to them.
• Teach a Child to Love Books
• This starts with the parent.  Read bedtime stories to your children.  Practice your imagination, and just take the book in but make up a story involving them.  Use a different voice for each character, it will make them love diving into the stories from the pages or from your imagination.  Show them that reading is the key to maintaining a healthy imagination.
• Don't Forget What Really Matters
• Sometimes life is overwhelming, but just take a few minutes, sit back and remember what really matters.  Your family, your health, your happiness.
• Be Yourself
• Don't be fake. If you are fake, you will have fake friends, and when you are in a crisis, those fake friends will be nowhere around.  Do what you want, act like yourself, if people don't like it, that's not your fault, that is on them.  Be genuine, by amazing, be you!

I know this was quite a longer entry than usual,, but there is a lot going on, and I use this medium as a form of therapy.  I get a lot of feedback from you, dear reader, and I take in the good with the bad, because if you do not address your shortcomings, then they will lead to a large problem.  Please send me your comments\questions\concerns to me (jaydee.riggs atgmail.com), and I'll include some of them in my next entry!

Until next time, dear readers...

Penny Lane

There she is, cute little Penny Penny.  For those of you friends with me on the book of faces, you know that we lost our cute little pit puppy.  She was 1 day shy of being only nine months old.  She had a leg that the bone didn't form quite right so it was all but useless, but she used it.  She used it to paw at you to get scratches.  She used it to make you give her more scatches when you would stop.  She would use it to put around your arm when you were laying next to her holding her.

She was a cuddle bug.  She was moral and mental support for Cassie at home.  She really was a good puppy, and always, always happy.  She was however, ate up with worms she just couldn't fight off.  She would give you those puppy eyes and your heart would just sink, there was little that could be done.  By the time she started showing any symptoms, it was too late.

This will be a relatively short post, but I wanted to end it with a good story about Penny, so here it is.

Late one night, I had fallen asleep in the living room watching top 10 ghost videos on youtube and Cassie was laying in bed.  Penny was outside, and barking.  Cassie got up to see what it was, but found that she was barking at the only really dark area of our back yard between our shed and our fence.  Cassie wakes me up in a panic and, me, in all my recollection of the videos I had just watched went to investigate.  At any moment I knew I would find the ghost of a little girl asking me to play or something, but when all was said and done, we never figured out what she was barking at.  It wasn't until the other day I found out the other part of the story.  Cassie had went to go investigate herself before waking me.  As she went to stand next to Penny on the back patio to see what she was barking at, Penny darted past Cassie, heading towards the door, as if to say, "tag, you're it, I'm out."  She was like our own little Scooby Do at that moment.

You will be missed dear puppy.

Everybody’s Working For The Weekend

Yeah, I borrowed a lyric from a song for the title, big whoop.  It’s actually relevant to my blog post, so I did it, sorry - not sorry.

Let’s dig right in.  The “ideal” workweek for Americans (and all of us Earthlings probably) is Monday through Friday 8 or 9 AM to 5 PM.  I know that’s not what the majority works (and the world couldn’t function if we all did), but the idea I’m trying to convey is that everyone wants a break.  They want some time to relax, work on a home project, or spend time with loved ones, more time than the 5PM - Bedtime schedule that the weekday provides.

::Enter Weekend, Stage Left::

The weekend, it seems to be the answer to all of life’s problems.

::Exit Weekend, Stage Right::

The weekend is never long enough.  Vacations are amazing, and they too, never seem long enough.  Actually sometimes too much of the wrong vacation seems like more than long enough, too long in fact.  That however, is a different story completely.  We spend so much time getting ready to relax or preparing for a break that the “normal” days go so fast because we are in a kind of autopilot.

Those who are friends with me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram know that a few weeks ago I had a cardiac scare.  My chest was hurting, I was’t as responsive as I should have been... It was just an awful experience and ended up getting a clean bill of health for my heart, but my GI system is being suspected of causing the heart attack like symptoms.  That makes more sense because I had GI issues as a teenager, and I really figured if I was going to have a heart attack it would have been at the gym, either doing squats or on the treadmill.

It made me realize that each day is special.  Every single day we are given, we can never get back, so it's best to make the most of each one.  Tell those you love that you love them, don't assume they know, it means a lot to someone to get validation or confirmation that you relationship is solid.

This is the point in my blog where I tell you if you want to make a life change, do it.  Don't wait, you might not get the opportunity to do it again.  Take the trip, kiss your love, embrace your children.  It's been said many times, but this hold true - your biggest regret will be not doing it.  Our most precious resource is time, and we each have a limited amount.

I'm not just talking to you, my lovely readers, but to myself as well.  I have some (potentially) life changing things in my future, and I'm ready.  Will I be scared? Probably, better pack more underwear.  Will I do my best?  Yes, and better.  If you have anything you've been wanting to start, whether it be getting in shape, changing careers or asking that special someone to be yours, do it.

Now, for those interested, I will be preaching this very message (slightly edited) to Cassie when we go on a plane or boat (she likes neither), or when I'm trying to talk her into riding a scary roller coaster.  There will probably be video if that happens.

As I draw to a close on this post, I wanted to thank you, dear reader.  I have a lot of readers, and a lot of questions sent to me, and you can keep them coming.  I personally answer each question, and sometimes I post them here in case a lot of people ask the same question.  I started writing this blog years ago as kind of a therapy, writing is very cathartic for me. Between this blog, my book of short stories, my biography, and my neglected personal journal I do write a lot.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have been a part of that therapy and I thank you.

Until next time, dear readers...

Moving On

Well, the time has come.  I have to do something I don’t really want to do, but should do.  Layla is going to be sold.  For those of you who don’t remember, Layla is my Hummer.  My 2003 Yellow H2.  My beastie.  

While, yes, I am a little broke up over having to get rid of her, it’s not so much that event that’s changing to much in my life.  I’m starting my life with a woman who loves and car3es for me, and I do the same in return to her, I’ve moved houses, changed schedules, changed diet, there is just a lot going on. I’m muddling through right now, but I will get on top of things pretty quickly, at least, that’s th hope.

One thing I wanted to move forward with and have been working on forever is the “Regular Dad” series.  The idea started years ago, and I’ve made a few trailers, and wrote a few scripts, but I haven’t actually produced an episode, but that is going to be rectified soon.  

I do have a lot of projects coming at me, and it is hard to handle.  Plus, it’s not just projects, it’s problems.  Mine, others, doesn’t matter, I help as much as I can and try to fix things, and I realize that not everything can be fixed.  The other day I saw a post that said (basically) don’t be too busy filling others cups that you run out from your own.  In the past I was made to feel guilty for doing something for myself.  I was made to feel selfish and greedy for trying to help myself, trying to bring up my spirits.

For those of you following my body transformation progress, know that July was officially bulk month.  At least, that’s what I’m calling it.  I got really busy with work, family and moving that I paid little attention to meal planning, but that has changed.  August shall be the month of gains!!!

Until next time, dear reader...

Unconditional

So, some people will take this post as a post on religion, but it's not.  It is however, a look on unconditional love, and I will use examples of teachings that have been around for millennia.  I have re-written this several times because, honestly I was afraid of offending anyone, but in reality, we should be able to listen to someone’s point (or counterpoint) without taking it as a personal attack.  No one is going to think exactly as you do on every subject imaginable, so you might as well just respect their opinion and realize just because someone believes one thing, it does not in any way represent a personal attack on you.  If I talk about something that makes you feel guilty, then, that is your own conscience telling you something. Listen to it.

Unconditional love, by definition is that, love without conditions.  No stipulations, no borders, no limits.  Jesus spent time with sinners as well as saints.  I use Jesus because no matter what your personal beliefs, He can be used as an example of how to live, but more importantly how to love.

He did not love those or interact with those who could only better His position, to the contrary, He was often looked down upon because of the company He kept.  I mean, one of His most trusted apostles was, before the fact, a murderer and persecutor of Christians.  He knew that people can change, and that no one has the right to judge anyone, other than their own self and their higher authority, whatever your belief may or may not be. 

The problem with modern religion is that it is in fact, not modern, at least for the most part.  Unconditional love should be the basis for all religions.  Acceptance is a lesson in humility and humanity.  Judging someone for their past actions or appearance is not something that is taught in most religions, but it is practiced routinely.  Take tattoos as a prime example.  They are mentioned a lot in the Bible, and only once has a negative connotation, and that's when you scar your body for unholy ceremonies for the dead.  Honestly, do you really think that no one had tattoos back then?  Given, it was more of a female thing, but it was very prominent and Isaiah had believers tattoo themselves as belonging to God.  Just saying, any arguments against tattoos are invalid and those arguing the counterpoint should read their texts a little closer and not pick and choose what to take from it.

Yes, I have tattoos, and yes, I plan on getting more, and no, I do not feel guilty for doing so.  The point of this post is truly that not everyone is alike, not 100%, there will always be things that you don’t agree upon, but that doesn’t mean it is an attack on you or your character.  Some people like mustard, if you don’t it doesn’t mean that they don’t like you, but hopefully it means they won’t put mustard on your hamburger at the next cookout.

We are all different.  We are all unique.  We all deserve a little kindness and respect, so be sure to realize that others deserve that too and give them those things, without expectations.  Unconditional humanity, if you will.  I know I’m not going to change the world with one simple blog post, but we as a species are capable of so much more than what we are currently.  Focusing on hate or anger is the most counterproductive thing we can do as sentient beings.  Now, I’m sure I’ll get some “hate” mail from this post, but if you are contemplating sending that argumentative email to me, please re-read this post, I haven’t attacked anyone (even if they like mustard), I’ve expressed my view point which you can take or leave, I am by no means telling you that you have to agree with me.  Part of being human is the disagreements, but it’s moreso about the conversations about those disagreements. Super simplified - Make love, not war.  

Until next time, dear readers...

On Death and Dying (Not the Book)

I find myself here thinking a lot about life and death lately. They are forever linked, but not one in the same.  Different religions have different ideas and teaching about life after death, and there are many similarities between some of said religions.  This is not that article though, I’m not getting into a debate on religion, and which one has it “right.”  Never talk about politics or religion on a blog.  Just kidding, about 40% of blogs are dedicated to just those topics alone, but for my purposes, I will try my best to refrain.

Last week, Cassie’s sister laid to rest her not yet three month old baby.  If you have read my blog in the past, you know I don’t handle death well, I’m not sure why.  For whatever reason, I avoid the topic and when death happens, I still try to avoid it unless it is just unavoidable.  I have been to funerals where the deceased passed unexpectedly and suddenly, but not someone so young.  I hope I never have to again.  Never again.

This isn’t a post about a specific death or death in general, actually to the contrary this post is about life.  More specifically, about living life.  Our time upon this globe is very brief (yes, quoting\paraphrasing Dickens), and it is too short to be anything other than happy.  Don’t spend your time trying to make others feel bad so that you feel better by comparison.  Lifting up your fellow man is far more rewarding than pushing them down.  I’m not saying you should be someone who is constantly helping anyone and everyone, no, I’m not saying that at all.  Being kind doesn’t mean you need to be gullible, if someone consistently acts a negative way or hurts you repeatedly, you should avoid a situation where you would be putting yourself in a position to be hurt.  Common sense does play a part in all this.

You never get a wasted day back.  Lazy days are mentally refreshing, but only on occasions.  Again, time is a resource that you can never get back.  An interesting parallel I will mention is that recently I read quite a few articles and a doctoral thesis on time travel.  It was very interesting that on paper, forward travel (faster than we currently go) is possible.  Ther are many variables that we currently don’t have the technology or comprehension on the subject, so we wait until we do.  The funny thing was that when traveling back in time was mentioned, it was stated to be much more difficult and the requirements for the theory were impossible to reproduce, i.e. we need a containable black hole. Yeah.  It was fun to read on the topic for a while and daydream about what I could go back and fix, but on the other hand, everything that has happened made me who I am, and I like who I am right now, so why would I change it?  It is an ethical\moral\mental challenge to try to grasp the possibility.

Enough of my rambling, for those who keep asking, yes, I will release another podcast, just hold on to your pants.

Until next time, dear readers...

Reflecting

I have spent a lot of time reflecting lately.  You’ve probably noticed I haven’t posted in a while.  I have my reasons, but I do apologize for the short break.  There is so very much going on in my life at the moment, and it’s actually been difficult for me to sit down and write out anything.  I did however start working on a specific chapter of my book, which deals with AD, after divorce.  During my brain storming and mind mapping of the chapter, I realized that although I thought I had forgiven my ex-wife for the things she did, both during and after our divorce, I really had not forgiven anything.  Let me give you an example.  During our separation, she did everything to block me from getting into our home to get my things.  Even after a judge ordered her to let me in, she still did not.  In this process I lost more than $15,000 of personal property that was legally and morally mine.  I came to terms that I wouldn’t get my things, and in a sense I guess I thought that was my way of forgiving, but it was a facade.

I am still angry with her for, in my opinion, not doing the right thing and letting me have my property, but I have to accept that that is the way she is, and always was.  I have forgiven her at this point.  I am still a bit bitter about a lot of things that happened, but dwelling on them, and the past is only making my present and future depressing.  That means that I no longer expect her to act any way other than she always has.  I forgive her for blaming everyone but herself for any problems.  I understand that she can’t mentally handle being the bad guy.

Now, I’m not saying any of this to put her name in the mud, no, this story isn’t about her, it’s about me and it’s about you.  I know my situation with my ex-wife isn’t the worst one that someone could be in, but for my it was bad, and for me to finally figure out after 4 years that it isn’t about her, it’s about me.  Putting the past in the past isn’t easy sometimes, but for you to have a healthy, bright future, it is necessary. If I can do it, trust me you can too.

When they say forgiving someone is a gift, not for them, but for you, they are absolutely correct.

Until next time, dear readers...